Independence And Bread Queues

 By Ugoji Egbujo

In the middle of the road, the van was parked. People gathered. It was Independence Day. The country was 64. The van was laden with bread. The hungry, young and old, filled the streets, panting. Soldiers were everywhere, as if the van was carrying bullion. Old women jostled and shuffled stoically. Nobody looked shamefaced. Their faces told the story of their helplessness. The people who brought the bread came with cameras. Perhaps they would love to be called Renewed Hope Missionaries.  One by one, lucky adults were handed a loaf each. One by one, they left. The crowd throbbed. 

The distribution happened in the middle of the road. Nobody cared. The priority was food. Everything else could as well be suspended. A loaf of bread costs N1500. The bread dispensers bounced about like they were extending the life expectancy of the people.  It was a worthy cause in these times of abject lack. Because they could have diverted it to a local market and fattened their purses.  So they deserved the gratitude from the genuflecting old men and women for the miserable handout. 

Bola Tinubu And Sani Abacha’s Ghost

 By Ugoji Egbujo

Recently, many have seen the ghost of Sani Abacha. And they have cried aloud.

After the annulment of the June 12 elections, chaos ensued. Gen Babangida stepped aside. As Shonekan’s Interim Government (ING) wobbled under the June 12 pressure, Abacha dispatched emissaries to Abiola who had dashed into exile.  Abacha promised to restore hope. Nobody should have believed him, but being credulous from hopelessness, they said he was a man of his word. They hoped Abacha would renew Hope.  Hope 93 was Abiola’s slogan.

Tinubu And His Black Beast

 By Ugoji Egbujo

On his way to Equatorial Guinea, Tinubu rode in a gleaming new car to the airport, leaving tongues wagging. A glamorous, armoured black Cadillac Escalade reminded many of the NPN days. Such a show of opulence in the immediate aftermath of the hunger protests seemed an act of defiance. He startled the public. 

Tinubu preaches austerity, but makes no effort to curtail lavish public expenditure. A commentator said the car was the hardest evidence of his aloofness. But more patriotic people may argue that a man who leads 200 million people and who has just secured a vote of confidence from the people that matter is at liberty to thump his nose at disgruntled elements.

Our Senate Is A White Elephant

 By Ugoji Egbujo

Our Senate is a luxury. Akpabio, the Senate President, can’t choose his words carefully. Recently, he reminded a female senator that the Senate is not a nightclub. He was rebuking her for not obtaining his permission before speaking. In his flippancy and uncouthness, idleness could be gleaned. 

*

Senator Akpabio received a letter from Ganduje, APC chairmen, and read it in plenary. Then, robotically, he revved the engines of the Senate and dumped Ndume. That sequence would have been fitting in a one-party communist state like China. Ndume’s sin was that he criticized the president. 

Bola Tinubu’s Ministry Of Cow And Chicken Affairs

 By Ugoji Egbujo

It’s haphazard. One moment, the Federal Government is pursuing the Orasanye reforms; the next, it’s churning out fresh ministries to serve political expediency. We took away the petrol subsidy to save the economy, only to become obsessed with distributing money and food to the public as if we can’t sit to think.

Now, we have a ministry for cow and chicken affairs. A full-blooded ministry for only livestock. Who knows why the title ‘Development’ is attached to it? Some say the entire thing is a peace offering to the Miyetti Allah and company. Others say the suspicious timing makes it a lollipop in the mouth of a group wailing against the Samoa Agreement.

Tinubu Must Find Dollars NOT Scapegoats!

 By Ugoji Egbujo

If they leave the major bleeding points oozing to fan the man because he is sweating, then they are like our government that has left crude oil thieves to chase BDC operators.

The country is in shock. Shock is what happens when circulation fails and systems start to shut down. Our country lies prostrate, bleating, like a man run over by a hit-and-run truck. Our foreign reserves are empty. The poor can’t buy food. The government is running helter-skelter to pander to the angry masses and save itself. Truth has been sacrificed. But that won’t do. So, scapegoats must be found. Perhaps, as the Igbo say, a desperate man is entitled to act a little crazy.  

The Economy Is Wobbling, And The Govt Is Fumbling

 By Ugoji Egbujo

While the naira gasped for breath, the nation sent 400 tourists to Dubai to fill the gallery in a climate change conference. Two weeks ago, the President dabbed powder on the wound. He announced a cut in his entourage and those of his wife and ministers. The general attitude of the country to the looming disaster seems surreal.

At N1400 for a dollar, alarm bells should be ringing. But in the highest offices in the land and amongst politicians, the dollar has become the preferred instrument of settlement and lubrication. Nothing moves the leaders of this country. In the middle of this economic tornado, a minister signed off air tickets to a non-existent Kogi airport. The new government met a mess. But it has been sloppy and haphazard.

Wike And Fubara: Tinubu’s Sham Agreement

 By Ugoji Egbujo

The agreement between a pimp and a prostitute ought not to be written. Because if the pimp and prostitute still have any trace of honour left in them, they wouldn’t want the transaction made legible for their grandchildren to read. However, when shame has fled and taboos have become doormats, a pimp can demand a written document.

*Tinubu and Wike 

And when they have a contractual dispute, a bishop might step in to ask the prostitute to sleep with more clients to satisfy the covenant. If reminded of the sinfulness of fornication and trade in flesh, the bishop might say that he did it in the interest of peace and to safeguard trade customs. Peace and custom are laudable virtues but when shallow peace is purchased at the cost of normalization of evil, society is imperiled. 

Akpabio’s Uncommon Birthday Celebration

 By Ugoji Egbujo

Akpabio celebrated his birthday in a stadium. That must be a sign of his stature. The economic situation didn’t deter him. He gathered his people in tens of thousands to eat and drink. The people are poor but their leaders are rich on their behalf.

*Akpabio

A two-term governor, former minister and now senate president. It can’t get larger. Ordinarily, one government or the other would pick up the bill in recognition of his services to the nation. After all, such a political Iroko must have paid his dues. As Flavor, the musician, would say, “How much is money”? 

The Metamorphosis Of Uncle Soyinka

 By Ugoji Egbujo

Professor Soyinka is a genius. Besides his exceptional creativity in drama and poetry, he has fought oppression like an attendant spirit. However, in the last few months, he has spent more time proving that he is human than engaging the demons of corruption and injustice. Before Tinubu, his friend ran for president, Soyinka would dwell on the credibility of the electoral process and dream of mass participation.

*Soyinka 

And if INEC spent two years seeking the authority to transfer polling unit results electronically to enhance transparency and eliminate substitution of results at collation, Soyinka would insist it was non-negotiable. And if INEC ran into a suspicious glitch on election day, leaving room for mischief at collation centres, Soyinka would worry about the integrity of INEC and lampoon the credibility of the process.

Nigeria: Ministers Of Noise

 By Ugoji Egbujo

The noise has started. Rather than embrace sobriety, they have begun with talkativeness. Unfortunately, the public is no longer so impressionable. The economic situation is dire and deft footwork of political chancery cannot bring succour. Politicians who had eight years at the state level to reduce poverty but chose sensationalism are now proselytising like development missionaries from distant lands.

The man in Abuja started with threats. He plans to bulldoze houses. Firm town planning regulation is necessary but those who begin by mouthing regulation and breathing fire often end up as crude and cold extortionists. These guys are not new. A loquacious strong man who is weak on principles is only a loud bully. Nothing useful comes out of arbitrariness except self-serving savagery. Ministers of noise pretending urgency.

The FCT lacks a modern transportation system. The city is littered with dehydrated kabukabus running around like taxis. Soaring fuel prices have made Abuja, the land of a million kabukabus, unlivable for many workers. But any man who governed an oil-rich state and didn’t bother to install any order in public transportation can’t come to Abuja with any ideas. That’s why the FCT minister sounds anachronistic.

The new FCT minister knows how to build small overhead bridges that can be christened flyovers and celebrated with feasts and orchestras. Unfortunately, Abuja can’t be seduced by small things. The sort of monkey-post politics and projects that win politicians oversized accolades in some states can’t faze anybody in Abuja. The new minister should keep his band and vuvuzelas aside and begin to think. This is 2023. Those formulae used by young majors who found themselves as military governors to titillate the public have all expired. The issues are real. Abuja is not susceptible to small-time provincial abracadabra and propaganda.

The Demolition of squatter camps is welcome but the real task is affordable mass housing. The minister should insist that building control and town planning regulatory authorities do their jobs diligently. But his focus must be on big ideas. Abuja needs affordable mass house schemes for low-income earners. Abuja must be reconfigured into a smart city. To attain this status, Abuja needs creativity and innovation rather than the brute force of a restless busybody. Environmental protection. Smart transportation. Efficient shelter. Tourism. It will be difficult for an analogue governor to transform into a digital mayor. But Abuja must start to harness technology for its security.  

The Abyss at Oba

The Onitsha-Owerri road is perhaps the busiest in the southeast. The marriage between the Igbo and commerce is well known, so the road that links major business centres in Igbo land will arguably be one of the busiest in the country. The Onitsha-Owerri road should be of such national strategic importance like Lagos-Ibadan and Kano-Kaduna that it should never be allowed to collapse.

At Oba, a huge erosion crater that can swallow a skyscraper has appeared.

The monstrous gully has eaten half of the road. But nobody seems perturbed. Owerri-bound traffic has been casually diverted to the remaining half of the road. Everybody passes and shakes his head at the bottomless pit. 

Many times every week, the traffic mats up and commuters spend long hours around Oba. Since Umahi represents the region and likes road inspections, he needs to visit in a hurry. When he gets Oba, he should stay far away from that site and use a pair of binoculars to view the chasm because though millions of commoners pass through that stricture every day, a minister shouldn’t take such a risk.  

Indeed, if the country observed safety standards that road ought to have been closed. But closing that road would be subjecting millions of people to torture. Yet the real tragedy is that the federal and state governments appear to be waiting for a calamity to happen. If the hole swallows twenty buses and a hundred souls, then somebody might be moved to dig a mass grave and then start work on the road. 

The hole at Oba is hellish. But it is the story of the land. When that gully cuts the road in two, the cost of fixing it might triple. The cost will be borne by the government but some politicians and their contractor friends will benefit. When a road contract sheds the toga of routine repair job for the apron of a big emergency, katakata will ensue. Chaos and frenzy create ample room for contract inflation and embezzlement.  

The hole looks diabolical. Something precipitate is the offing. The governor of the state, Soludo the Solution must have seen it and reminded the federal government officials of their ownership of the road. He has no immediate solution for it. Because at the current exchange rate and cost of cement, that road might swallow a significant portion of the state’s revenues. And the federal government, busy with planning how to distribute cash to cushion the withdrawal of petrol subsidy, is also burdened with fashioning out democracy for the Niger Republic rather than fighting erosion in Oba.

*Egujor is a commentator on public issues

 

The Bulkachuwalisation Of The Judiciary

 By Ugoji Egbujo

It wasn’t a Freudian slip. The man couldn’t be stopped. An 83-year-old senator, seized by valedictory emotions, stood in the hallowed senate chambers and broke omerta. Defying the bulging eyes of bewildered senators, he told a dirty truth to the nation. All attempts by his distinguished colleagues to extinguish the flame of forthrightness were rebuffed by the courageous man.

The man thanked his wife, a former President of the Court of Appeal for allowing him to use her to pervert justice in favour of his colleagues. Gratitude is a virtue. As the cringing distinguished beneficiaries of the rotten judicial porridge pinched their noses like Pharisees and gasped in shock, the man gushed over his caring and generous wife who had helped him cook judicial outcomes.  

Poor Aminu And The Almighty First Lady

 By Dr. Ugoji Egbujo

The meek ones have, like Shakespeare, said, “The quality of mercy is not strained.” Other others have said, like Moses, “An eye for an eye.” In other words, “spare the rod and spoil the child.” Yet Others have, like Jesus, drawn the line and said, “He who has never sinned alike, let him cast the first stone.”  

*Aisha Buhari 

A student of a university in Jigawa insulted the first lady. Then he disappeared. According to the Student Union, for days, neither the boy’s parents nor the school authorities knew his whereabouts. The Student Union’s president said after a nervous search that exhausted the parents and the union for days, the boy was discovered.