I am first and foremost a Nigerian child. Then I am a
depressed Nigerian youth. Depression obviously has its several roots: it is the
doubtful protection which comes from not recognizing failure. It is the psychic
burden of exhaustion, and also and very often, that discipline of the
will or the ego which enables one to continue fighting, continue working, when
one’s unadmitted emotion is in panic.
And panic, it is, I think, which sits as
the largest single sentiment in the heart of the collective members of my own
generation. Today, I find myself in an overwhelmingly urban society, a
distinctly urban creature. Thus, I am adequately informed of current
developments in my country. I am anxious, angry, humorless, suspicious of my
own society, apprehensive with relation to the future of my own country.
Quixotic, yet optimistic, I am on the prowl for the immediate and remote causes
of our national predicament. My nostrils fairly quiver for the stench of some
injustice I can sally forth to condemn. Devoid of any feeling for the real
delineation of function and responsibility, I find all the ills of my country,
real or fancied, pressing on my conscience. Not lacking in courage, I am
prepared, in fact, to charge any number of windmills.