How Private Are Your Private Parts?

By Tony Iwuoma

We live in a world of hyperbolic privacy. We learn to keep private things private as soon as we are born. From infancy, we were taught to cover our private parts. Even the little daughter you once bathed would soon start hiding from you because she does not want you to see her bum bum. We are taught to keep certain aspects of our life private and that is why our so-called celebrities cling so tenaciously to the dogma of not talking about their 'private lives' despite their atrocious public exhibitions.

(pix: Oxbridge)

Nudity has almost overtaken our culture and those parts that we once held sacred have since lost their innocence, no thanks to modernity. Those private parts of the womenfolk that the men strained hard to just have a peek at have come unstuck in the streets and on television; there seems to be no private parts anymore. Those who still insist on some modicum of decency are viciously tagged 'old fashioned'. Oh, how beautiful it is to belong to the vanishing tribe!

But seriously speaking, what are your private parts? Is it all about our genitals? Is it about briefs and boxers, or brassieres and lingerie? Is it about bum shorts, stony breast implants and false and padded buttocks? Is it about cavorting with your squeeze beyond the eyes of her parents? Is it about baby mamas and papas? Is it about Queen Esther and Stephanie Otobo’s determination to do in Apostle Johnson Suleman? Is it about philandering with spouses of other men or women beyond the trusting eyes of the cuckolded?

Private parts are all of these and more. Private parts are the entire things you do in private where you feel nobody sees you. Private parts include the lies you tell your doctor to defraud your company or state; that your stealthy trip to babalawo and mamalawo and yet returning to occupy front seat as church elder, deacon or pastor. Private parts include undertaking evil money rituals with which you procure highfalutin chieftaincy titles and do noisy but false charity. Private parts include lawyers willingly defending soiled clients and then intimidating society with their silk. 

Private parts cover lecturers sexually mutilating the destinies of their female students or failing them if they failed to submit to their base tastes. Private parts include oppressive bosses, converting their secretaries to unwilling paramours or booting them out if they resist. Private parts relate to crying foul over every government policy until you are settled with appointment and you become overnight whistle-blower or defender of the evil you once cried against. Private parts include the mad looting of the commonwealth and leaving near empty till and the generality of the citizens dazed and pauperised.  Oh, private parts cover every gamut of life!

However, things are changing; nothing is so private anymore. I did say our women are now putting on public exhibition those hitherto hidden sensitive body parts; men no longer struggle hard to gain access. Have you heard about the thunderbolt, magun? That talisman cuckolded husbands lace their adulterous wives with and cause them to remain glued to their sin partners in disgrace? No matter what science calls it, the thieving penis is now held in deserved captivity, hoping for the benignity of the cheated husband.

Nothing is hidden before God. His eyes go to and fro, beholding the iniquities of men. His judgment is coming, and fierce. The name of the new sheriff in town, President Muhammadu Buhari, evokes so much fear and looters are running even when Ibrahim Magu, the embattled EFCC boss, is not yet gunning for them, as he certainly must catch up with them. What with the whistle-blower policy that has made every Nigerian a potential millionaire by mere possession of a 'whistle'. There is no more hiding place for loots and looters. If they are planted as plants, the earth rejects them; even graveyards vomit them.

Now check it out! N49 million discovered in Balogun market; N250 million uncovered at a shopping complex in Victoria island, Lagos; N49 million found abandoned at Kaduna airport, N9.8 billion recovered from Andrew Yakubu’s house; N13 billion discovered at Osborne Road, Ikoyi, Lagos... Even the once untouchable grasscutters are in the net now, signaling there are no sacred cows anymore as the heat creeps even towards the occupants of Buhari’s kitchen.

But I have a certain problem here though. Where are the recovered loots; hope they are not being re-looted? Why stack them in a vault while Nigerians are diving into the ocean in frustration? Above all, Magu would do well to unmask the ghosts behind these loots. It does not make sense to make a haul of so much cash and yet fail to attach names to the looters. That is the reason for the Osborne brouhaha and nobody is deceived by the NIA ownership claim. It would be such a pity if NIA is covering up for anybody but trust PMB, no, GMB (PMB sounds more like a moribund post office facility) but General? Oh-la-la, we will get them! And General, thanks for those suspensions! It has added pep to your strides.

As Buhari catches the troublers of our economy, the same way God will get you if your private parts are rotten. You never even had private parts before Him in the first place. He has given you this much room to turn a new leaf. This article is a reminder that the axe is already laid and if you don’t clean up your private parts, you would be hewed down and dumped in hell fire where you will burn forever. God never meant this evil for you. If you end up in hell, it is certainly self-appointed because God’s desire is that you come to eternal bliss with Him ultimately. That is why He is calling you to mend your ways NOW. It is true that some smart lawyers will successfully prise you out of Buhari’s grip. There are alleged mago mago in Magu’s prosecution of the anti-corruption war. However, God’s judgment can never be faulted. Nobody will be wrongly accused and nobody will escape judgment.

Therefore, you must make a U-turn now, whether you are a looter, amoral, occultist, ritualist, fraudster, philanderer, liar or whatever sin that has ensnared you. I have more pity for the juju priests on the altar of God. Of all the cases, their case is most miserable because they have not only deceived themselves but also prevented genuine seekers of the Truth from accessing glory. God has denied them and promised not to spare them.

What transpires behind closed doors of your bedroom and offices? How are your private parts? When your private parts become public, how would God rate you? How healthy or afflicted are your private parts? Do they need cleansing? Get the purifier fast; delay is dangerous! “…Now is the accepted time; behold now is the day of salvation.” (2 Corinthians 6: 2b).

*Mr. Iwuoma, a commentator on public issues could be reached on toniegoodlaw@yahoo.co.uk