The Place Of Food In Nigerian Politics

 By Tony Afejuku

The essay you are about to read is culled from my Nigerian Tribune column In & Out of Monday, February 4, 2013. Its import is still as relevant now as it was then, although our current experience is readily and particularly worse than any calamitous calamity can be. Indeed, what we noticed then is nothing compared with what we have and observe today.

Our new Senate President, for instance, confirmed this last week with his gluttonous display of his extravagant gluttony on the occasion of his long-stomach birthday celebrations. The nicely nice brevity of the essay says so much in a few words about the longish-ness and long-ness of the monstrously monstrous politicians of protruding throats and bellies of bellies of bad belle bellies crushing the land and landscape from everywhere to everywhere.

Birthday Essay For Professor Akachi Ezeigbo

 By Tony Afejuku

Let me urgently make this open confession: the current condition of this land – this land, your land, my land, our land – has consigned me to nothing short of a pretty long time to dilemmas upon dilemmas – seriously speaking indeed. It would be unjust of me not to make this open confession to you my chief reader today (and readers) in order to escape an almost inevitable calamity.’

*Prof Ezeigbo

As my today’s reader-in-chief and priestess-in-chief to boot you should help me, after hearing this confession, to wean me from anything untoward that would impair my judgment and essential character and value of my thought relating to our Emefielenic monetary stamp of bewildering proportions that would be of selfish benefits to his fellow politicians, no, polifoolicians, and cabalistic cabals than to our nation. 

ASUU In The Age Of Nastiness

 By Tony Afejuku

Let me enter my column straightaway with these observations: I did not think of dwelling on the Academic Staff Union of Universities (ASUU) at this point in time after the series of straight five weeks series I terminated but did not conclude not long ago on the universities’ dons’ abject take-home remunerations. Of course, I knew that I would revisit the subject of our universities’ lecturers’ contaminated and adulterated remunerations – but now is not the time.

For a minute or two let me keep you in abeyance with respect to the current engagement. But the title is influenced somewhat by an ardent reader of this column who is himself a first-rate columnist penning for an equally very popular tabloid.

Nigeria: The Crisis Of Buharism

By Tony Afejuku

There is no iota of doubt about it after all: we have ceaselessly experienced a crisis of Buharism since our present president, Buhari, was exalted by us into the presidency of our country.

Glaringly, diurnally it is entering our exalted consciousness and imagination that our pre-election idea or picture of him was one that exalted a man who had (and still has) an exalted impression of himself. But we must make no mistake about it. The man has elegance, but we have come to realize that this elegance that enabled some persons to call him “Mr. Integrity” possesses some veneer that is not well irriguous.

*Buhari 

Perhaps I, in my creative imagination, am deficient in my employment of language to characterize the kind of president that we have witnessed since Buharism entered our authoritative lexicon of political thought. In the present writing I am not too certain of the language to employ to depict Buharism. In fact, I am inclined to employ a language that cannot but be deader than Latin: the language called Fula of the Fulani people.

How I wish and itch in vain to speak and write Fula! Let me be uneconomical with words. I itch to understand and express Buhari’s thoughts in Fula, but how deader than Latin is Fula to me! Thus in vain and in vain will I try to understand the great man Buhari and his Fula philosophy of political governance in a democracy and republic such as ours, such as our country’s – our Nigeria’s that always we must hail. Recently I had a lengthy conversation, which spoke volumes, with an octogenarian who is based in the South West of our country.

The octogenarian is fully at breast with our president’s mind-set and the happenings in Aso Rock. Lengthy  conversation He bared and opened ad infinitum his mind on the Buhari presidency. He informed me, among other things, pertinently of how Hadza Bala Usman came on board as the current managing director of our Nigerian Ports Authority.