Nigeria’s Democracy And Clouds Of Uncertainty

By Matthew Ozah

A common way to describe Nigeria’s democracy is to liken it to a gilded tea-cup made for a specific type of people. Hence, Nigeria’s political elite usually see themselves as special breed, who are larger-than-life and most often above the law.

*President Buhari 

They need no introduction in the public sphere as their ego and brocade dress speaks volume of them. The political class is witnessing a cycle of twisting events in its chequered history that is embedded in nepotism, poor performance and washing of dirty “political” linen in public.

Bola Tinubu’s Breathtaking Hypocrisy

By Shaka Momodu

When last February President Muhammadu Buhari saddled the former Lagos State governor, Bola Tinubu, with the task of reconciling all aggrieved members of the All Progressives Congress (APC) across the country, I scoffed at the idea and stated then that it was a futile exercise. The reasons were not far-fetched: Buhari by his actions had no genuine desire at reconciling the party members; with Tinubu as the chief aggrieved member, leading such efforts was a misnomer because he needed to be reconciled with some of the party members. I predicted that by the end of his brief, the party would be more divided than before. 

*Bola Tinubu 

Barely two weeks after Tinubu’s peace committee was inaugurated, crisis rocking the Kaduna State chapter of the APC, took a turn for the worse after a building located in the heart of Kaduna city, belonging to a leader of one of the two factions, Senator Suleiman Hunkuyi, was demolished by the state government. Tinubu’s committee said nothing publicly about such intolerant behaviour on the part of the state governor. That it happened after Tinubu’s supposed reconciliation committee was set up showed the disregard party members had for it. 

Memo To My Friends In Aso Rock Villa

By Abraham Ogbodo

Before I get started, I have a confession to make. In my little way, I try to avoid the friendship of big men. I will explain. Big men and (women too) can hardly appreciate the worth of a small man. They cannot initiate a short telephone conversation with the small person to say ‘I am just checking on you my friend.’ If they manage to do, it is not to say hi but to complain, most times bitterly, about some matter that a small man didn’t handle to their ultimate satisfaction; or reel out more directives after which they recline to their exclusive economic zone and wait for when the unfortunate small man will become useful again.

*Garba Shehu, Femi Adesina and Laolu Akande

The big man thinks his bigness, and the fact that he allows some social access more than compensate for every effort the small man puts in to sustain the relationship. As a Christian, I asked God to give me the wisdom to manage big men and women. He told me to stop pretending to be a big man’s friend. The application of that wisdom has never failed me. I have just offered free of charge what took me days of fasting and prayers to secure from God.

I have had to give this background so that my friends in Aso Rock Villa, who however became big men on May 29, 2015 or thereabout, will understand why I have somehow maintained a safe distance. They are Femi Adesina, Garba Shehu and Laolu Akande. All three are evidently big men by any interpretation. The first two are my senior colleagues; they became editors of national titles long before I did. Laolu Akande is my junior in every sense. 

Nigeria: A Dishonest Political Circus

By Sufuyan Ojeifo

I have watched with amusement the hollow rituals of “comic tragedy” or tragicomedy, which the defection of politicians from one political party to another typifies. The polity has witnessed, in recent times, movements by some politicians who were, doubtless, respected leaders of their people up until their sudden volte-face and gravitation to other political parties, characteristically for obvious reasons.  Anytime I see them on television or read about them in the print media announcing, with glee, their decision to jump ship because they have suddenly realised how bad their original party has been and how disciplined and forward-looking their newfound party is, they cut a pathetic picture to the sight and create a sardonic impression in the mind.

What they, perhaps, know but which they do not give a heck about is that they do not enjoy the respect of well-meaning Nigerians, including, most of the times, their followers, especially those of them who can hold their own without the usual compromising handouts from “the lords of the manors.” This dimension reinforces the age-long subjugating notion of stomach infrastructure, which has, only recently, been so elegantly described and tagged in the aftermath of the 2014 Ekiti governorship election that swept Ayodele Fayose into power.

Nevertheless, political leaders’ movements have characteristically thrown up the loyalty question.   As supposed leaders, they have failed the critical test of loyalty by wavering in their commitment to the party on which platform they have been voted into elective offices.  Rather than consistently and persistently inspire confidence in their followers, they have disconcerted them, dealing a strong blow to their pristine sense of conservative attachment to the party.  It thus becomes crystal clear that the followership that has remained unwavering in its support is, indeed, the nucleus of the tribe of enthusiastic and enchanted party faithful, not the opportunistic political elites who, always wanting to be politically correct, lack the discipline to promote and embrace any well-defined ideological standpoint, which the followership can relate with or approximate under their tutelage. 

Gov Okorocha’s Unending Charade In Imo

By Clement Udegbe

Last December , Imo State built and commissioned a Christmas Tree at a whopping cost of over 600 Million Naira, and in 2016, teachers, government workers, pensioners were owed over eight months salary and pension arrears respectively. Life in Imo State is so rough and tough, yet many wear smiles around the place, hoping that all will be well soon, and some even say it is well.

 

*Gov Okorocha 

One then begins to wonder what has happened to most of  my people who follow the followers? Could it be as a result of  a resolution that they will deal with situation when the time comes, or that they have a clear plan to handle things at the appropriate time, or could something else be responsible?

Could it be the result of beer drinking? Yes, beer drinking. Imo State won the best beer drinking state award this year, and the monument is standing tall in their stadium. Meanwhile Montreal University scientists have revealed that beer contains female hormones called estrogen, and when men consume quite a lot of beer, they turn into women!

All of 100 men that drank large drafts of beer within one hour displayed the following behaviours:

They all argued over nothing, refused to apologise when obviously wrong, gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overtly emotional, couldn’t drive, failed to think rationally, and had to sit down while urinating! Drink on these brothers.

I do not mean to insult any beloved Imo man or any beer drinker for that matter, what borders me here is that page 15 of Vanguard of Friday, December 15, carried three very disturbing reports, concerning Imo State. While Anambra State was reported as spending N25 Million to de-worm their children, Imo Governor, Mr. Rochas Okorocha, was  accusing the Catholic Archbishop of Owerri Ecclesiastical Province, Dr. Anthony .J. V. Obinna of  partisanship, and urging him to face his religious duties, for asking him to give governance a human face. Who does not know that it was a direct affront against the Catholic Church in Imo State, to mind their business?

Imo is  majorly a Catholic State. This same Governor recently produced documents for pensioners to sign forfeiting 40 % of their earned pension! Earlier this year he had forced health workers to sign off part of their salaries, paid civil servants for three days of the week, and asked them to go to the farm for the rest two days. When he won the elections for his first term in 2010, he and his followers trouped to the church for thanksgiving; perhaps they thought all the church cared for was their presence, and not their conscience.

Who Killed Bridget Agbahime?

By Ikechukwu Amaechi

When Bridget Agbahime was murdered on June 2, 2016, in the presence of her husband, Pastor Mike Agbahime, by Muslim fundamentalists in the name of “Allah”, Nigerian leaders made the usual noises.

Agbahime, who hailed from Imo State, and was a member of the Deeper Life Bible Church, was said to have prevented Muslims from performing ablution in front of her shop at Kofar Wambai Market in Kano, where she sold plastic wares.

Late Mrs. Bridget Agbahime 

The punishment for such a “crime” was death, in the opinion of her traducers, who promptly accused her of blasphemy and lynched her.

She was murdered at 74 by those young enough to be her grandchildren. Even her age could not act as a leash on their murderous impulse.

The market was preparing to close for the day’s business when the soulless characters carried out the gruesome murder. So, it was in broad daylight. Those around saw and knew the murderers.

The hideous characters didn’t wear masks. In their usual impunity, like the axiomatic son whose father sends him to steal, and who, therefore, kicks the door open with his foot, the religious bigots, didn’t care a hoot.

They knew that nothing had happened to their fellow blood-thirsty zealots who beheaded Gideon Akaluka in the same Kano and paraded the streets with his head hoisted on a spike with blood dripping on their hands.

Because the murderers were known, it was not a surprise when police headquarters in Abuja announced almost immediately that two suspects had been arrested, even as then Inspector General of Police, Solomon Arase, called for calm while assuring that justice would be done.

A statement issued by then Force Public Relations Officer, ACP Olabisi Kolawole said: “In order to ensure a diligent and professional investigation, [Arase] has directed the deputy inspector general of police in charge of the Force Criminal Investigation and Intelligence Department (FCIID) to deploy the Homicide Section of the Department to immediately take over the investigation of the case and ensure a meticulous investigation and speedy prosecution of the arrested suspects.”

Nigeria: Chronicles Of Tragedy And Absurdity

By Okey Ndibe

As a novelist, I frequently experience the sensation that I could never invent imaginative events that, in their tragic or absurd extraordinariness, can stand beside the strangeness of life, as it is lived in Nigeria. Indeed, I follow public events in Nigeria with a certain sense that some grand master of fiction, versed in absurd tragedy, stands just out of sight to shape and orchestrate these events. For me, to read the pages of Nigerian newspapers is often akin to reading the most wrought fabulist fiction. Except that the events one encounters in news reports, bizarre as they may appear, are deeply rooted in and describe the shattering realities of Nigerians’ lives. These are often events that trigger the declaration, “Only in Nigeria…”

Before I get to recent illustrations, I must quickly cite some classic examples that have become so woven into the essential fabric of Nigerian life that they hardly strike Nigerians anymore as odd much less astonishing.

It’s only in Nigeria that God “votes” in elections – and, in fact, casts the decisive vote. So, Nigeria’s election riggers invented the disingenuous mantra that only God gives power. If Candidate B is declared winner of an election, even though everybody knows Candidate A won it handily, all the imposter has to say to settle it all is, “God has given me power.”

It’s only in Nigeria that public officials fatten their bank accounts from funds budgeted for public purposes – and then demand that the people whose lives they have impoverished must fast and pray for better electric power, to be spared death in road accidents or death in ill-equipped hospitals.

It is only in Nigeria that a governor would declare that he has “totally transformed” every sector of his state – and then promptly fly abroad for medical treatment the instant he experiences a headache.
It is only in Nigeria (as happened in Ilorin, capital of Kwara State in January 2009) that a commissioner of police would call a press conference and point to an “arrested” goat, as a robber who turned himself into an animal just as pursuers were about to grab him. Newspapers around the world reported the absurd drama. It is only in Nigeria that the said officer would make such a global ass of a major national institution and retain his job.

Nigeria must be one of the few places in the world – perhaps the only one – where governors are effusively declared “performers” for paying the salaries of state employees. And if these governors happen to invest some funds in the rehabilitation of a few kilometers of roads, why, they are simply canonised.

Nigeria is arguably the world’s most notorious location where a mindless embezzler of public funds is no longer a thief if s/he belongs to the right (ruling) party, the right religion, the right state and the right circles. Nigeria is a country where just about anything is rigged or riggable in favour of the rich and connected where the police would hardly ever disturb the peace of a well-placed suspect, however grave the crime, and where many judges are only too willing (for the right price) to oblige well-heeled suspects and accused every manner of justice-evading legal gymnastics.