My Cry As A Drug Addict!

By Suntaa Abudu Ibrahim

I also started just like how many people started. At first, I chose to take drugs because of how it made me feel. I used to think I could control how much I take and how often I used it but however it changed how my brain works which led to some physical changes in me and it finally made me loose self-control and took over my whole life. I used to take these drugs just to feel good, ease stress, or avoid reality but now it has changed my entire health habits. And now it has put me in health dangers, financial difficulties, and other problems between me and my loved ones. Yes I know it is dangerous using drugs, I know all the dangers involved in using it. I don’t also feel comfortable using it for it has caused me more than enough harm already.

The use of these drugs have made me look inferior among my colleagues, family members and other relatives, even some people I am better than always show me disrespect in many ways. I certainly know my family doesn’t feel comfortable in public to announce I am part of them and I also don’t feel comfortable with that because I also need love and companionship from them but since I have subjected myself to these drugs and they have now overtaken me, yes I know I am the cause of their shying away from me. Sometimes when I look into my mother’s eyes I see the pain in her heart but I usually find it difficult to make her happy because I am not always happy myself. All that I always say is that she shouldn’t worry everything is going to be alright for there are many others involved in it. 
Sometimes how I speak to my mother or the replies I give her always seems weird and disgusting. I don't also feel comfortable taking these drugs, I still have a conscience of knowing what is right or wrong but I am seen as someone who doesn't know his left or right. Someone who is disgusting, who cannot make good decisions when it comes to matters of good conduct and morals.

People see me as a useless person even though I am not. Some even suggest I am insane and I feel sad and sorry about all these dirty things people say about me. I don't wish to be like how I am right now, but the circumstances beyond my control now is what is making me look this miserable and unhappy. I wish and pray to come back to normalcy as I used to be at first. I am now regretting because my intentions wasn't to be a drug addict but rather just to feel good, ease stress or avoid reality but now it has totally overtaken control of my mind and body.

I am writing this piece of message because I know a lot others are also going through same in their societies or families. I certainly know others are yet to enter into these drugs, and others have just started like how I also started but my advice to those who are yet to enter or who has just started is that, it's better to not to enter at all and those who are into it should just quit right now if possible. I don't blame anyone for this my awkward moment but at least I am still a human being and likewise I still deserve some little respect from my family and friends.

I want to stop these drugs but the more I try to stop the harder it becomes. To my family and friends I know, I have failed you people but shying away from me cannot solve the problem but rather a good company and constant advice will help solve or minimize it. I hope and pray that the good Lord will one day intervene and things will go back to normalcy.

*Suntaa Abudu Ibrahim wrote in from University for Development Studies, Nyankpala Campus, SCC, Ghana