Between Nigerian Governors And Nigerian Housewives

(First Published March 20, 2008)


By Ugochukwu Ejinkeonye  

What really is the difference between what housewives do for their families and what State Governors do in Nigeria? The answer, if you ask me, should be obvious, but I am very reluctant, for a very obvious reason, to answer it with just one word: None!

Certainly, I do not want to start this Wednesday morning with placard-wielding housewives thronging the front of my office, protesting an unfair comparison.   And so, I will be fair. But, first, let’s look at one clear similarity: A husband labours, earns some money, invites his wife to one corner of their house, and gives her the “monthly allocation” for the family upkeep. Nigeria also takes its God-given oil, markets it, and then State Governors are invited to Abuja, to cart away their own “monthly allocations” for the upkeep of their respective States. 

 Is there any difference? Yes, I think there still is. At least, we now have wives who also work hard to help diversify the sources of   revenue for their families, unlike many Governors whose only understanding of governance is, like housewives of old, to sit still and eagerly await the monthly allocation from the Federation Account, a fraction of which they spend to make some impressions here and there, and then call press conferences and buy spaces in national newspapers to showcase their “wonderful performances.”

 

 A Housewife In Plateau State: Who Says She Can’t Be A Refreshing

Alternative To A Thieving, Inept Governor

They do N1 work and advertise it with N100.  It is really a great tragedy. Now, tell me: why should any Governor with any brains in his skull, and the slightest hint of self-esteem, expect me to clap for him for renovating (or even, in most cases, merely repainting) a few school buildings and filling a couple of potholes on some roads? Even if he builds new roads, new schools and hospitals, has he done anything extraordinary? Shouldn’t all those form   part of his routine duty?   

By the way, what is he supposed to do with the billions he carts away from Abuja every month? Hide it in his wife’s bedroom, and then begin to use it to gallivant about town, to increase the number of his girlfriends and the leisure spots he had explored? Now, what extraordinary talent is required to pay salaries to workers (out of the billions duly packaged and given to someone who is an adult) or clean up a few streets in a State capital?  Even my small daughter in the Primary School can do better than that! Please, let’s stop turning ourselves into laughing stocks before sensible and civilized people out there. Assuming oil was not flowing beneath us here, and so no monthly allocations or “excess crude earnings” to share in Abuja, what then would be the work of a Governor in a Federal State like Nigeria?  

Or, are we to take it that no one would have agreed to become a Governor if such a situation existed? Whatever happened to great ideas and insights for generation of opportunities and wealth creation with which talented administrators are distinguished? Why has Nigeria reduced governance to mere routine assignments like provision of power, potable water, roads and exercise books for  pupils? So, if I pay my children’s school fees or fuel my car, I should expect any person to applaud my “great achievements”, even though I sweat out the money, unlike the Governors that merely receive theirs?  

Do our so-called leaders ever bother to listen to the vision statements of their colleagues outside here? Well, what more can I say? I was making these points the other day and somebody just looked me in the face and bellowed: You should be grateful that there are some Governors who are even willing to spend some bits of the money to fill potholes and repaint school buildings; what about those who just pocket the entire money and jet out of the country to dump them in coded accounts? What are you going to do about that? So, just praise those who agree to do something.  




 L-R Chairman of Governors’Forum, Dr Bukola Saraki (Kwara)[middle] Niger State Gov., Dr. Muazu Babangida Aliyu, Benue State Gov., Gabriel Turwua Suswan, Gov [Arc.]Nnenadi Sambo of Kaduna State, at Governors’ Forum meeting in Abuja [March 8, 2008]




Can you beat that? Does anyone see what our country has become? Maybe, our salvation might actually lie in the housewives whom we have always relegated to the background. Maybe, Nigeria would become better, if the Governors are immediately replaced with housewives and housewives with Governors.  As is evident, most husbands have little or nothing to complain about how their wives manage the “monthly allocations” in their homes. They return virtually everyday grateful that their homes are in good hands, and that virtually everything that ought to be done had been done.

The housewives not only buy into their husband’s visions and aspirations for the prosperity of the home, they also generate their own ideas which any husband spurns to his own hurt, and would readily contribute their own lot to ensure their realisation.  But what majority of our Governors do is to just sabotage our hopes and aspirations with their boundless greed and callousness. They could be likened to irresponsible housewives who alienate themselves from their husbands’ good dreams, and ensure they never come to fruition. Instead of investing the “monthly allocations” to move the home forward, irresponsible housewives stash them away to prosecute their own selfish agendas. Some spend it on younger lovers or on other equally obscene preoccupations. At the end of the day, the home would suffer untold setback, and sadness and despair would then settle down as prominent guests.  This is the situation in many States today.

 No doubt, most Nigerians believe that their Governors are mostly wayward and underemployed. Some of them cannot even think beyond how to squander the monthly allocations on several indulgences of the baser sort. Others, seeking to “internally generate” revenue, would almost kill the people with taxes. Lagosians are yet to forget what they saw under Bola Ahmed Tinubu. The man almost taxed everything, including rats and cockroaches, that is, if he didn’t. Yet, Lagos remained the dirtiest and most chaotic State known to modern man. So, where did the money go? Well, imagine a housewife forcing the children to part with a larger chunk of their pocket-money to service her greed, frivolities and wild fancies.  



Gov Adebayo Alao-Akala of Oyo State


I am not bothered that some people may laugh at my position today, but our Governors have failed us so much that I keep wondering if Nigeria’s political class is capable of ever producing a committed, altruistic and visionary leader with sound, workable ideas. Will Nigeria ever witness responsible leadership till the end of time?  I am glad that those who, like me, are almost giving up on Nigeria will agree with the analogy here today, because I have met several men who kept boasting that their lives are almost entirely managed by their wives, while they concentrate their entire energy accumulating resources for the family. Some say they don’t even know when they need new clothes, shoes or even undergarments.

They would just return home, go to their wardrobes and discover that those things have been dully purchased and neatly placed at the right places for them. Would such a man be reluctant to fully appreciate, support and be fully committed to his wife? One man even told me that if his wife goes today, he would simply die. Now, these are not loafers or layabouts, but very successful and highly principled men managing very big and flourishing outfits.  Can’t these wives be made to transfer these managerial abilities to the State Houses, so we can be relieved of the empty noise makers encumbering the ground at those places today?  Now, who would you prefer: a housewife whose testimony you have heard, and whom you have not given any opportunity to prove her worth, or the Governor who has continually failed you? I repeat: perhaps, this nation may move forward if we shove aside all these loquacious parasites in our Government Houses and replace them with housewives, even if the latter did not go to school? If you ask me, I am yet to see anything our “highly educated” Governors have done to prove that they posses better ideas and abilities than even housewives in remote villages.

And I am not joking.  Sadly, we are stuck with Governors with little or no ideas about what to do to move their various states forward. Some of them even appear so blank that one is left wondering whether they just woke up one morning and were told they had become Governors. Even when they want to impress you with some poorly plagiarized ideas, it would be too obvious they are yet to even comprehend the convoluted theories they are tormenting you with, so how then would you expect them to implement them. I am yet to see anything to make me believe that some Governors ever lose any sleep at all because of the enormous problems in their States, unlike a housewife that would even yoke herself with undue stress just because they are expecting a guest in the home.  


Former Gov Alams of Bayelsa: Tried and convicted for corruption





Indeed, any Governor in Nigeria with the slightest hint of commitment to and concern for the welfare of the masses would be wishing he had more than twenty-four hours in a day, because the problems are so much. Yet, our Governors are hopping around town without any care in the world, as if there are no very urgent matters craving their attention, attending one frivolous function or the other.  Have you heard that the Governor’s Forum is about to pour away N5.8 billion to build an owambe Secretariat for themselves in Abuja, where they would gather occasionally to laugh, hug backslap and generally have good time at our expense, before hitting town with the boys?  

 Have you also heard  that Gov Akpabio of Akwa Ibom State is reportedly frittering away N6.7 billion  to build himself a “befitting” Government House in Uyo, because, the equally magnificent one there now, built not too long ago, is beneath his status? That’s what they all think about. Men without the gravity of mind to appreciate the enormity of responsibility on their shoulders.  With so much money at their disposal them and without any sense of direction, all they can think about are vanities and  frivolous projects that do not advance the well-being of the masses. I wonder how they even muster the presence of mind to indulge in this revolting profligacy.  A housewife would certainly be more considerate and compassionate. Whoever unleashed this army of unrelenting leeches on the nation must be its greatest enemy.

What a sad situation.  

==================================
scruplees2006@yahoo.com
 http://www.ugochukwu.wordpress.com/ 

Hugh Hefner: Same Dirty Old Playboy At 83!

By Ugochukwu Ejinkeonye

Although the American media has successfully elevated 83-year old Hugh Hefner to the status of a “legendary icon,” many people loathe him with unqualified contempt, and disdainfully dismiss him as one “dirty old man” despite his great wealth and fame. 

*Hugh Hefner: 

Icon Of Moral Irresponsibility?

In an interview with TIME magazine published in its January 26, 2009 edition, Mr. Hefner gleefully celebrated what he considered his paramount contributions to society: “When I first published Playboy [magazine], nice young people did not live together before they got married. Having a baby out of wedlock was a scandal that drove some people to suicide. Oral sex was illegal. Playboy played a major part in changing all that,” he declared. 

Asked whether he sometimes feels like a dirty old man, Hefner replied: “Not for a moment. I’m on the side of the angels and always have been.” What an affront!

Recently, at the Palms Resort and Casino in Las Vegas, Hefner, America’s most notorious bachelor, marked his 83rd birthday surrounded by current and ex-girlfriends. “As you can tell I am very, very happy. To celebrate my birthday with new girlfriends and former girlfriends is perfect, it’s wonderful,” Hefner said in an interview in the course of the celebrations, which had received more colour and attention because of the American Country Music Awards holding at the same time and place. During Hefner’s 82nd birthday last year, another symbol of Western depravity and immorally advanced culture, Pamela Anderson, appeared topless to serve the “old, frail playboy” his birthday cake!

 
 Born on April 9, 1926, in Chicago, Hefner studied Philosophy at the University of Illinois, worked briefly for Esquire Magazine, before coming up with the idea of his own magazine to be known as “Stag Party.” But when he discovered that somebody else had already trademarked that name, he chose another name, Playboy. The first edition, which featured the picture of Marylyn Monroe, and which he was said to have put together on his kitchen table, appeared in December 1953, and sold 50, 000 copies. Encouraged by this initial success, Hefner reinvested his profit in the venture, and by 1959, he was selling about one million copies monthly. 

With two crashed marriages to his name, Hefner has endeavoured to be a human demonstration of his magazine’s name. He is now known as the “ultimate playboy” – always living with several “official girlfriends” who many believe are flocking around him because of money and fame. Rumour has it that he invites countless girls, many of who are young enough to be his great grand daughters, after a couple of dates, to reside with him, and compels them to star at “the twice a week orgies” he organises with immense relish in that his house of boundless immorality.

Recently, Hefner added a new girl-friend to his harem. She is 22-year-old Crystal Harris, a Psychology student at San Diego State University. Already, he had the 19-year-old twin sisters, Karissa and Kristina Shannon, who had enjoyed the limelight as his newest addition until Crystal arrived. A photograph of him and this “trio of bland way too-young girlfriends” is already being widely circulated to reinforce his playboy image and show the world that at 83, he is still mired in shameless immorality and very unrepentant.  

“Dirty, lecherous old man,” Hugh Hefner, with girlfriends  (sin-partners)–Crystal Harris and the twins –Kristina and Karissa Shannon– Revolting! Isn’t it? (pix:nydailynews)

Now what kind of desperation and lust for fame and wealth would push two sisters, twins for that matter, to agree to become one man’s sin-partners, probably performing threesomes with him from time to time? Given the obscene excitement with which the American, and indeed, Western media, celebrated this unqualified abomination, one is tempted to conclude that most of the Western society have lost the capacity to be sickened by anything, no matter how revolting. 

But a thoroughly sickened Daily News reader posted this comment: “Doing sisters at the same time – that’s weird and nasty to me. I wonder if he has dates for each? The whole thing seems to be about publicity – I think it is.  It keeps his empire alive if people are talking about it.” Hefner had chosen the beautiful twins to replace Ms. Holly Madison, who had to break away from him, heartbroken, after her determination to tame him, and make him marry her, so she could have the child she desired so much had failed.

Hefner hit the headlines again during the recent US presidential elections when he called on the Republican Vice Presidential candidate and Alaska Governor, Mrs. Sarah Palin, to pose nude for Playboy magazine if she failed to be elected. “Palin would make a great centrefold. I don’t know what it is, but there’s something about a really sexy-looking woman wearing glasses. Imagine what she’s like when those glasses come off. It would be a new definition of the word vice in vice president,” he told OK! Magazine.  

Sometimes, I wonder what human dignity still means to the Western mind. Why would anyone in his right mind be inviting a state governor, vice presidential candidate of the ruling party, wife and mother, and anti-abortion and pro-abstinence advocate to pose nude for a magazine that services the depraved taste of a decadent society? In Nigeria, even with all our imperfections, such a proposal would have provoked a national uproar. And the governor concerned would have considered it a grave insult, and may even resort to legal actions because of the damages her mere consideration for such an obscene pre-occupation may have caused her.

Former Republican Vice Presidential Candidate Alaska Governor, Mrs. Sarah Palin: Hefner once invited her to pose nude for his dirty,  immoral magazine (pix: cbs)

What people do in these parts to earn instant and, maybe, perennial isolation from decent society transform them automatically into well sought-after celebrities in the Western world. When the identity of 22-year-old Ashley Alexander Dupre, the high-end prostitute that brought down the former New York Governor, Elliot Spitzer, became public knowledge, Larry Flint, publisher of Hustler magazine, immediately announced a $1million payment to her if she would pose nude for his men’s magazine. The publisher of Penthouse Magazine, Ms. Diane Silberstein, also immediately joined with an offer to put her on the cover of her magazine. There were book and movie offers, and even invitations to appear on such high-profile programmes like Dianne Sawyer’s “Good Morning America” on the ABC. 

I am sure that Monica Lewinsky is now a very rich “celebrity” because of her most outrageously immoral behaviour that shook the American Presidency. And if she would let out the word today that she is ready to pose nude, she would become an instant billionaire! Indeed, something must really be wrong with a society that celebrates its weirdoes, its deranged and the incurably depraved in its midst: a society where the human being has lost the slightest hint of dignity and respect.    
But once in a while, however, one also finds a lone voice of reason. The Vancouver Sun titled the Miss Dupre/Spitzer story thus: “Call Girl Could Parlay Infamy Into Payday.”

*Ugochukwu Ejinkeonye 

The fellow that called Hugh Hefner a “media-sponsored paedophilia” may indeed be right. Many in America and other Western nations are already bemoaning the silly interpretation their society had given to freedom many years ago, which has now turned their worst nightmare. Hefner’s Playboy Mansion which first existed in Chicago, but now located in Holmby Hills area of Los Angeles, California, hosts all sort of obscene and depraved shows weekly. There is no stopping the frail, dirty old man! It is said that “he pops Viagra like candy.”  

What is the “over-liberated” American woman saying to the unending abuse Hefner subjects her gender to, using little girls as mere playthings to amuse himself? In a more decent clime, a man like Hefner would be abhorred by decent society and labelled a shameless old dog. But he is a rich American “celebrity” and pays huge taxes to the Father of soulless Capitalism, so, why would he not be celebrated by the West? Any hope of reclamation then for this morally challenged old man at 83?

____________

(First Published April 23, 2009)

Nigeria: Very Rich, Very Irresponsibly Managed

By Ugochukwu Ejinkeonye

Last Wednesday, we had a very important and urgent need to be in Kumasi very early the next day. It was already midnight (Nigerian Time –11pm in Ghana), and we were still in the heart of Accra, surrounded by its brilliant lights, soothing serenity (there was not the faintest hint of any generator anywhere) and profound modesty, wondering what to do. But a Ghanaian who was with us did not seem to share our worries. He simply told us to hit the road, that in the next three hours, we should be in Kumasi.

Ghanaian President John Dramani Mahama and

President Goodluck Jonathan (pix:ghanaweb)

I looked at him with surprise and disbelief. Who was sure nobody had hired him to lure the three of us into a well-laid ambush by violent robbers? When I expressed my concern about armed robbers, his answer was sharp, with a tinge of impatience.

“There are no armed robbers!”

When I repeated the concern much later, he said something he should not have said, but which Nigerians need to continue hearing no matter how painful we find it: “I have told you… no armed robbers! This is not Nige…!” He cut himself short. It occurred to him, a bit too late though, that he had gone too far in his bid to emphasize that point.

Just like the way I felt when I shouted to some Nigerians at one place we had gone to in Accra some days later when the driver was about to run over a bag: “Remove that Ghana-Must-Go bag!” The other Nigerians there looked at me with horror in their eyes. Then one of them said something like: "How can you be shouting Ghana-Must-Go in Accra?" 

 When I called a Nigerian friend and he reassured me that the long journey from Accra to Kumasi was safe, we hit the road. At the one or two places where very friendly policemen stopped us, they merely looked at the vehicle and waved us on with their torches, without the slightest hint that they wanted an ‘egunje.’ And so, after a long journey through lonely, lengthy stretches of the expressway, and vast quiet countryside, we embraced the warmth of the clean, well-lit streets of Kumasi early that cold morning, and found our way to the serene ambience of the Kwame Nkrumah University of Science and Technology.

Compared to Nigeria, Ghana is, no doubt, a very poor country. Beyond the glitter of an efficient system is poverty that is real and palpable. But Ghana has been lucky with its leaders. What nation would not prosper under the watch of a visionary, patriotic leader who is not afraid of his people who had elected him in fairly free and fair elections, but lives among them (instead of hiding himself in an impregnable fortress like our leaders do in Aso Rock). He is able to inspire the citizenry to believe in him, and buy into his determination to put in place a workable system? It is only thieving, failed leaders that live in perpetual fear of their people.

Kwame Nkrumah University of Science and 
Technology, Kumasi, Ghana (pix:talloiresnetwork)

Throughout my stay in Ghana, I never dialled any number twice with my Ghana MTN line, no matter the country I called! But ever so often in Nigeria, if you dial a number duly saved in your phone, and with which you may have talked with the owner just a few minutes ago, what you would probably hear is: “This number does not exist on the MTN network.”

Then you try again: “The number you have dialled is incorrect.”

And you dial the third time: “The number you have dialled is switched off.”

Fourth time: “The number you have dialled is unavailable.”

And if you have the patience to try the fifth time, it may then go through! What a country! 

Ghana Telecom Service Providers are effectively monitored and regulated, unlike what the Nigerian Communications Commission (NCC) claims it is doing for us here. The Ghana regulatory body ensures that no service provider sells lines more than it has the capacity to manage. It once, reportedly, called MTN to order, when it attempted to roll out lines like it does so freely in Nigeria.

Each time I recharged my line with 2 Ghana Cedis (N230), I would make several calls both to Nigeria and within Ghana, and would still have much credit remaining. But here in Nigeria, the thing finishes with incredible speed.

It offends me each time anyone attempts comparing Nigeria with Europe or America. From Swaziland, Botswana to Mozambique, Kenya, Tanzania, Zambia to Uganda, Benin, Ghana, Ivory Coast to the Gambia, Nigeria is, perhaps, the only country in the whole of Africa that is yet to achieve reasonable stability in its electricity supply. We are here still grappling with pitch darkness and watching our pitiably blank and hare brained leaders telling embarrassing, infantile stories about their inexplicable failure and insufferable incompetence, while very poor countries we can easily buy up have since left us behind on this issue of power supply and provision of other social amenities.

In most of these countries, one can conveniently walk to any public tap and drink water, but whoever tries that in Nigeria any time some liquid manages to trickle from any public tap would be guilty of attempting suicide.

At Kwame Nkrumah University of Science and Technology (KNUST), Americans, Britishers, Chinese and people from diverse nations of the world are proudly enrolled as students. 

In 1993, I met an America Professor of Economics who proudly announced to me that while he studied for his Masters Degree at the University College, Ibadan, (UCI) in 1958, he stayed in Kuti Hall. I wonder if he can advise any American child today to get near that same Kuti Hall he spoke so glowingly about, or encourage the child of his worst enemy to attend a Nigerian University.

Former Ghanaian Leader, Jerry Rawlings  

While a friend and I took a walk around midnight on Saturday, we felt so safe, despite the several trees in the well landscaped and beautified compounded that lend the school its serenity, but which could provide cover for any cultists to strike. 

As we stood on a walkway, about eight American youths hopped across, chattering, laughing and feeling so much at home. I am told that children of countless Nigerian government officials are enrolled in the school, generating huge funds to Ghana with which it now offers divers scholarships to its own citizens. 

Yes, Nigerians would prefer paying all the money to Ghana than improving and making our own schools safe so that youths from several parts of the world can also come here (as used to be the case) to study. Indeed, the KNUST faculty Guest Houses can comfortably diminish some of the things that pass for “big” hotels in Nigeria.

Ghanaians do not appear to have the drive and innovativeness of Nigerians. Under sincere and honest leaders who are not mere common criminals whose eyes and hearts are only focused on the treasury to loot it pale, what would stop Nigeria from becoming one of the greatest countries in the world?

But what do we get here as leaders: the Babangidas, the Abachas, the Obasanjos: rulers who derive peculiar animation from prospering by marketing the nation’s entrails.

Obasanjo’s only noticeable achievement while in office was to join the emergency Billionaires’ Club with such fanfare and brazenness that sent all the others scampering for safety . But while leaving office, he left us in the hands of an Umaru Musa Yar’Adua whose only understanding of leadership seems to be to perennially grope for direction.

So, while our leanly endowed neighbours like Ghana are gradually laying solid foundation for greater tomorrow, Nigeria is decaying and sinking into unimaginable depths. 

Laden with an insufferably inept legislative house, and a character like Maurice Iwu as INEC Chairman, what options are left for a country so immensely rich, but so irresponsibly managed?

What a tragedy.
----------------------
(First Published July 21, 2008)

The Fury Of 'First Ladies'

By Ugochukwu Ejinkeonye
We are indeed in very perplexing and stressful times. As a people trapped in diverse, debilitating contradictions, occasioned by obvious failure of leadership and character on the part of those directing the affairs of our clearly rundown country, the much we should expect from the growing tribe of First Spouses, First Concubines, First Children, and even First Uncles, Cousins, and Nieces, of our clearly unprofitable rulers, wallowing in flamboyant idleness and having all their unspeakable excesses serviced with state funds, is to, at least, allow some measure of humility and moderation attend the way they flaunt their sudden and limitless privileges before the rest of us.

Stella Obasanjo

It does seem that in these parts, we are most adept at creating grotesque legitimacy for the totally absurd after which we   advertise it with indecent fanfare. At the end of the day, we end up providing  delicious specimens for bellyful mirth for the civilized.

I would certainly not be bothered one bit if I never got to see the wife or concubines of any governor or president until the expiration his tenure. I do not edit a society tabloid whose passion it usually is to discover the current colour of lipstick that adorns Madam's lips or the latest revealing blouse with a plunging neckline she wears to dimly-lit balls.

*Mr. And Mrs. Obasanjo

My candid opinion is that we can do with one ruler at a time. Let the wives of our rulers spare us their clearly unappetizing presence and retreat to their houses and be good wives to their husbands and good mothers to their children. For the umpteenth time, they should please remove their mostly over-bleached, over-made-up and over-dressed selves before our faces so we can find the presence of mind to bear the pain and anguish their husbands are unleashing on us.

We are almost forgetting that the Constitution has no provisions for the so-called office
 of the First Lady.

*Lucy Kibaki

I am not bothered, for instance, if the president's wife has a battery of special assistants, senior special advisers, and even press secretaries attached to her "office", so long as their salaries and allowances are paid from the private purse of her spouse. The state can pay for her security, we can overlook that, even though her "office" is not backed by any constitutional provisions.

So when recently, Lagos lawyer, Mr. Festus Keyamo, issued a statement alerting the nation that the Publisher of Midwest Herald, Mr. Orobosa Omo-Ojo, whose paper had carried a story titled "Greedy Stella", had been arrested by detectives from the "D" Department of the Ondo State Police Command, on the orders of Mrs. Stella Obasanjo, I almost thought it was not happening in real life.

*Mwai And Lucy Kibaki With George And

Laura Bush In Washington

Unfortunately, my desire to obtain a copy of the Midwest Herald that week to see how it looks like could not be gratified. The real tragedy in the incident, however, was that the mainstream media proved themselves incapable of appreciating the dangerous signal the ugly development portended and decided to treat the report with levity. Well, let's wait until a "First Son" or "First Concubine" decides tomorrow to seal off the premises of a "national" newspaper, and then, our eyes would then open to the street wisdom that every monster is the product of a gradual, undiscouraged evolution.

Incidentally, this new piece of scandal was treated with amazing seriousness by the foreign media, and I could imagine the well-remunerated 'experts' at the Image Laundering Project office submitting fresh, well loaded requisitions to enable them adequately whitewash the stain the sorry event might have registered on the "model" regime in Abuja. Indeed, Mrs. Obasanjo, like every other Nigerian, was perfectly justified to feel pained if she was unfairly represented in the media, but should an aggrieved person respond to a perceived wrong by perpetrating a more insidious wrong? Are the courts in perpetual recess in Nigeria, or are we just witnessing a raw exhibition of "my-husband-is-in-charge" mentality here?

*Unruffled? Mwai And Lucy Kibaki
Dance To Usher In The New Year 2007
At The State House, Mombasa

And the fact that the poor publisher is still in detention, nearly one month after his arrest, should alert us all to the devastating evil that is gradually taking root in the nation.

Now if this incident in Nigeria represents a huge baggage of shame, what happened in Nairobi, Kenya, during the same period, where this "my-husband-is-in-charge" mentality was raised to an insufferable level by Mrs. Lucy Muthoni Kibaki, one of the wives of Kenyan President, Mwai Kibaki, has no counterpart within the boundaries of civilized behaviour.

Mrs. Kibaki, with her ferocious body guards, had invaded, the Muthaiga residence of the outgoing World Bank country representative, Mr. Makhtar Diop, where a private farewell party was being held in his honour, to complain that the music was too noisy and was robbing her of her sleep.

*Festus Keyamo: Against Stella
Obasanjo's Excesses

Diop was a tenant of the Kibakis. They were still his neighbours, and probably often exchanged pleasantries each time they stayed in their private residence, next door to the one rented by Diop. And Kibaki's children were also guests at the riotous party that disturbed Madam's sleep.

Mrs. Kibaki had reportedly stormed Diop's house in pyjamas, with boundless rage, demanding that the music must stop. She charged ferociously at the man, as she attempted to unplug the electrical connections supplying power to the sound systems. According to The East African Standard of Monday, May 2, 2005, a day after the incident, "the party was graced by the top cream of the diplomatic, donor and private sector circuit."

As would be expected, the Kenyan press were unsparing of Lucy Kibaki in their reports the very next day after her disgraceful outing. The East African Standard captioned its report on the incident, "The Shame of First Lady." The report in Daily Nation was no less-scathing. Angered by these reports, Mrs. Kibaki dressed in a pink blouse and blue jeans trousers, jumped into her 4WD, a Toyota Prado, and raced down to Nation Centre, the corporate headquarters of the Nation newspapers, accompanied by body guards and the Nairobi Provincial Police Chief, Mwangi King'ori. Her anger had received additional fuel with later reports that she had visited the Muthaiga Police Station to report the Diop's incident dressed in casual white shorts.

And so as she stormed Nation Centre by 11.30 pm, she was clutching a copy of the Standard where she had earned a front-page lead due to her embarrassing action. Her photograph on the front-page as she raged and raved was very unflattering. Once she got to Nation Centre, she headed upstairs to the editorial department and disrupted operations for five hours. She announced that she had come to protest the unflattering reports about her in the press.

"You reported that I went to the police station wearing shorts, what is wrong with the First Lady wearing shorts? I put on skirts and even bikinis when I go swimming. We are a decent family, humble and Christian. You have tried to discredit me since I became the First Lady," she yelled. 

*Meanwhile, A Man Looks For

Dinner From A Lagos Dustbin

Complaining about how the media refer to her husband in their reports she charged: "In the news you call him Kibaki as you did when he was campaigning, when will you learn to call him the President, [and] start respecting him?"

Then she turned and yelled at the provincial police boss that came with her:

"Does the Police Commissioner (equivalent of Nigeria's Inspector General of Police (IGP)) know that I am here protesting? Call him. He should be here with us."

And immediately, the officer went out, radioed his boss, and within some minutes, the Commissioner, Maj. Gen. Hussein Ali, was there with them. Indeed, Mrs. Kibaki was an unmitigated nuisance. She went from table to table, shouting, complaining, threatening, and even occasionally laughing.

Suddenly, she noticed the KTN cameraman, Clifford Derrick, recording her and she went berserk. Said Derrick later: "She just walked up to me and slapped me hard. I was terrified."

Yes, she attacked him and attempted to take away the camera from him. As this went on, none of the police chiefs moved an inch. According to the Standard, the "Central Officer Commanding Police Division (OCPD), Julius Ndegwa, watched from a distance, as he communicated on his pocket radio." 

Mrs. Kibaki's action has been greeted with unsparing condemnation. Derricks is considering legal action, especially, against the police, for failing to protect him from the angry woman.


Lucy Oriang, a Daily Nation columnist, called on President Kibaki the following Friday to save Kenya's honour by curtailing his wife's excesses.

I agree totally with Ms. Oriang, because, till now, Kibaki is yet to make any comment about his wife's unedifying outing. It does seem that for his government, what his wife had done was acceptable. The only reaction I have read from the authorities in Nairobi was the one some days after the incident by Dr. Alfred Mutua, government's spokesman, who was quoted in Kenya Times as dismissively saying: "The Kenyan government and its people is known for many things and a particular incident cannot cost the country's image."

If you ask me, this is the most unfortunate statement to come out of Kenya since the Mrs. Kibaki affair.

I also must add here that as much as I condemn Mrs. Kibaki's crude behaviour, I must admit that I was thoroughly sickened by the nuisance constituted by Diop's party. They have no right to rob Mrs. Kibaki of her sleep. But her reaction to the inexcusable disturbance caused by Diop and his guest has now overshadowed what was clearly unambiguous advertisement of irresponsibility on the part of the World Bank staff. His action is as detestable as that of Mrs. Kibaki who has vowed to fight her own battles and confront those who disparage her and her family.

"Every day you write lies about me, I will come to the newsrooms and you will see me in my true colours. I'm annoyed beyond control," she bellowed at Nation Centre.

Somebody should please advise Mrs. Kibaki to rather deploy this energy to keep herself away from behaviours that embarrass Kenya boundlessly.

--First Published May 2005

Enough Of The Obasanjo Family, Please!

(First Published November 26, 2008)

By Ugochukwu Ejinkeonye           

Last Saturday (Nov 22, 2008) I wanted to purchase a copy of Bitter-Sweet: My Life With Obasanjo, by Mrs. Oluremi Obasanjo, the woman who is sparing no effort just to underline her belief that no matter what anyone, including even Gen Olusegun Obasanjo himself, thinks is the case, the truth she would want everyone to see and swallow is that among the countless women swarming the Obasanjo harem, she is the only one qualified to be called his wife.  Others, she insists, are mere concubines.

To buttress this point, she reminds us on page 91 of Bitter-Sweet, that while broadcasting the profiles of leading members of the Obasanjo junta just before he handed over power to Alhaji Shehu Shagari in 1979, “the NTA showed me, and my husband, and our five children then, as the officially recognized and properly married wife, the wife of his youth he swore to keep forever.”

When I called the number on the invitation card for the public presentation of the book (which I didn’t attend), an elderly female voice told me to go to James Robertson Street in Surulere, that I would get the book there. In Surulere last Saturday, especially, on Adeniran Ogunsanya Street, and virtually all the other streets in the area, including Ogunlana Drive, Masha Road, and James Robertson, I encountered one of the worst traffic situations Lagos may have experienced since it began to exist, which served as painful reminder of the abysmal failure of character and leadership that had distinguished the eight-year reign of the subject of the book I was taking all the trouble to purchase.

As the traffic situation worsened, I abandoned the car in one of the streets, jumped onto an okada, and in no time, was in James Robertson Street. Since I needed to get an additional copy for someone, I bought two copies – one hard cover (N3, 000) and soft cover (N2, 000), and there went N5, 000 which I now sincerely believe, after reading the book, could have been invested in a more rewarding and edifying venture!

Now, forget the sensational reviews of the book you may have encountered so far since it was presented to the public at a very poorly attended ceremony in Lagos a fortnight ago. The book contains only very insignificant, highly biased items that could be considered new to what the public already knew about Obasanjo; there is hardly any information therein with the capacity to shock or awe; nothing really exciting, enlightening or edifying about the subjects treated in the entire book. The public appears to have more than it offers.  

Mrs. Oluremi Obasanjo At The Public Presentation 
Of The Book In Lagos

The book is all about a woman’s attempt to rewrite herself into prominence and reckoning in one man’s life, to demonstrate, albeit incoherently, that no matter who the public saw starring with Obasanjo in all those days he hugged the limelight   as Nigeria’s ruler, it was she, Oluremi, that the man regarded as the central figure in his life, despite the countless battering she got from him; that it was she who turned down the offer to live with him in Ota; that her decision to stay apart left a huge void in his life; that he was always pleading with her not to leave him alone; and that despite his brutal actions   towards her, he loved and respected her and only kept the other women as “ponies.” Although, it is known that the author and her husband were separated at some point in time (and she keeps talking, about “when I  was kicked out”) the strength of the book lies in her ability to leave the reader in total confusion about when exactly this happened, how long it has lasted, or whether it has been intermittent.

Instead, greater energy was devoted to show the prominent role she continued to play in Obasanjo’s life, playing down the separation and reducing all the other women to mere fringe elements in Obasanjo’s life. Dripping from the pages of the book is the undying love she retained for her man, and her willingness to receive him back any time he returned from his boundless wandering through countless skirts. The author’s bitterness towards late Stella was so palpable; it could not be assuaged even by her death. And the way she always gleefully announced the misfortune that met the several people that did her hurt speaks volumes about the nature of her heart. And despite all she suffered from Obasanjo (including being detained on Obasanjo’s instructions at the Lafenwa Police Station, “stripped to my underwear”), she, like Carol McCain, still loved him. But she makes a touching confession on page 64: “He is the only man I have known all my life … So when I found out his philandering exploits, I regarded it as the unkindest cut for his breaking   the sacred vow we took at the London Registry.”

Olusegun Obasanjo: The Man At The Centre Of The Storm

He went further to say that due to this multiple sleeping partners his wife was generously hosting with immense relish, he required a DNA test to establish the paternity of the children born to him by his wife, since he was not sure any more who among the three had fathered them. What a family! My heart surely goes out to those hapless tender children, who never asked to be born into the badly mismanaged Obasanjo family, and who would grow up tomorrow to grapple with the serious debilitating doubt over their paternity, raised by no other person than the man they call their father.    

Iyabo Obasanjo: First Daughter Of The Marriage

Senator Iyabo, on her part, is always in the news for the most horrible reasons. When she is not transacting very controversial and ugly deals with a name other than her own, she is being accused of mismanaging committee funds in the Senate. In fact, a newsmagazine once called her on its cover, “The Queen of Scandals,” a tag her mother on page 123 of the book thinks does not befit her daughter. Rather, Oluremi thinks her children are all unfairly having image problems because of “the name, Obasanjo.” And so, the attempt by the EFCC to get Iyabo to explain her role in the scandal involving the Senate Health Committee fund was all done “in a bid to humiliate her because she is Obasanjo’s daughter.” Iyabo, she maintains, was not appointed Ogun State Health Commissioner because she was Obasanjo’s daughter, but rather she had worked hard to earn it. I suppose she expects anyone to believe that?

My problem with this book is that it is a needless effort to advertise raw bitterness. And it would end up dishonouring the same children she loves and defends. But what sickens me most is her attempt to exonerate her children from matters in which the public is even in possession of superior facts. What it tells me is that if Obasanjo had not kicked her out of his life, she would also have been out there today defending him against Nigerians who dared express   disgust at the unmitigated disaster and organized banditry he effectively supervised for a whole eight years in Nigeria, during which corruption was effectively institutionalized and celebrated,  and  the country ruined.  

For her, so long as a person is in her good books, the person can do no wrong. So, why should I bother myself about such a person and her book?

------------------------

scruples2006@yahoo.com