Why I Didn’t Celebrate Christmas!

By Ugochukwu Ejinkeonye

A few days ago, what is generally termed ‘Christmas Day” was marked across the world with din, pomp and fanfare. 

But in my household, it was just another day - like any other day. The reason was quite simple: I do not believe that December 25 is the birthday of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. In fact, what my research has shown is that, just like Easter before it, this clearly heathen feast called Christmas, rooted in hideous idolatrous observances, predates the coming of Christ to this world in human form.

*Ugochukwu Ejinkeonye 

For several years now, therefore, I have continued to disregard Christmas. I do not even play Christmas carols. I do not give or receive Christmas cards. I try as much as possible to distance myself from anything that has to do with Christmas and its celebrations.

The 1911 edition of Catholic Encyclopaedia states that “Christmas was not among the earliest festivals of the church … the first evidence of the feast is from Egypt.” Also, even before the New Testament Church was fully formed, Easter was mentioned in the Bible as feast already in existence, showing that it was not ordained by the Apostles of Jesus Christ to mark His death and resurrection (Acts 12: 4).

No doubt, Christmas is one of the prominent, irremediably polluted ‘children’ that emerged from the very ungodly marriage between a distorted and depreciated form of Christianity and (Roman) paganism which crept into the Church many years after the death of the Apostles of Christ and the genuine Christians that took over from them.

Although the pagan worship of the SUN god had gained prominence in several parts of the world long before the birth of Christ, and had permeated and gained wide acceptance in imperial Rome, it was Emperor Constantine’s Edict in 321 AD which ordered the unification of the mostly apostate Christians and the pagans of that period in the clearly abominable observance of the “the venerable day of the Sun” that increased the influence of Christmas Celebration in the Roman church. What has, however, become clear, judging from historical accounts is that Emperor Constantine may not have truly become a Christian.

The Gruesome Murder Of Dr. Stanley Uche

By Ugochukwu Ejinkeonye

“Something startles me where I thought I was safest,
I withdraw from the still woods I loved,
I will not go now on the pastures to walk…”

– Walt Whitman (1819-1892) in his poem, “This Compost”

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When on Monday, September 20, 2010, we confirmed the gruesome murder of Dr. Stanley Uche, the proprietor of the very popular Victory Christian Hospital, Aba, Abia State, by heartless kidnappers, I was too shocked and lacked appropriate words to express the pain I felt. I remained sad and heartbroken, and by the next day when the shattering tragedy appeared in the media, the benumbing reality that the precious life of Dr. Uche had indeed been brutally extinguished began to dawn on me, deepening my grief and pain.

Uche was a very pleasant, humble and amiable physician, a well sought-after gynaecologist, who ran an exceptionally patient-friendly hospital in Aba that was always thronged by people in search of quality medical attention offered with deep compassion and meticulousness. What beats me is why anyone with human blood running in his veins would want to harm such a very nice and harmless young man.

On hearing the searing news of the cruel murder of Dr. Uche, one of his patients, a pregnant woman, collapsed and died. Another woman followed shortly after. It was that bad.

We were at a forum in the East the previous Friday, September 17, when news came in that Dr. Uche and his wife had been intercepted on their way from Aba and abducted by dare-devil kidnappers who callously crammed both of them inside the booth of the car and took them to an unknown destination. Several hours later, his wife was released to go and find the ransom they were demanding. The traumatized lady ran around and raised money, dropped it at an agreed point, and was told to go home that her husband would soon return to the warm embrace of his lovely family.

 Late Dr. Stanley Uche And The Family He Left Behind


But on Sunday afternoon, to the utter shock of the Uche family waiting at home in pleasant anticipation, and every one of us aware of the grisly drama playing out that weekend and praying and hoping for good news, some policemen at the Osisioma Police Station, Aba, came to the family to deliver the searing news that they had found Uche’s corpse at Aru-Ngwa (the place he was kidnapped) the previous day and had already deposited it at a mortuary.

 Uche was cruelly murdered by the same people that had taken a ransom from his family and assured his wife that he would soon come home. How ruthless and savage could some people be! And why it took the police nearly twenty-four hours to inform the family of their “discovery” of his corpse, even when they were fully aware of the case, knew him very well, found phone numbers on him, and were even the same people that had driven his stranded children home after their parents had been kidnapped ought to provoke deeper, far-reaching questions if ours was a saner, well-run society. But then, this is Nigeria, and our callous and ever groping rulers are too busy out there on the political battle field trying to rig themselves into or back to power to care.

What kind of country have we then found ourselves in? Why have we sat back and allowed Nigeria to evolve into such a dangerous country where savage instincts enjoy free rein, and life has become too cheap and utterly worthless, where government no longer exercises monopoly over the instruments of force, authority and violence, as should be the case in every enclave ruled by sane humans?

 Dr. Stanley Uche was a very consummate, passionate, kind-hearted, mild-mannered and ever-smiling   physician, a gynaecologist of note, who had been massively used of God to bring succour to many patients. What kind of country can watch indifferently as such a person is callously wasted? Why waste the life a harmless doctor who had devoted his life to save lives?

Any hope that this recent incident can motivate the Nigeria Police to wake up and do their job for once? Are they going ask deep questions about the clearly suspicious role of their men in this benumbing tragedy or really dig the ground diligently to see if there is any truth in the growing feeling that this may be a case of sponsored assassination disguised as kidnapping to confuse investigators? Are there quarters, especially among his colleagues, where his very successful and patient-friendly vocation was inspiring bitter envy and raw hate as is being feared? Who was not happy that Uche sometimes treated for free poor patients who could not afford to pay their bills, and this had helped to further skyrocket the fame he already enjoyed as a consummate physician?

My heart goes out to his wife and four tender children who have become yet another victim of the clearly ungoverned entity called Nigeria. Even after killing the man, the same kidnappers were still calling his heart-broken wife and demanding more money, and threatening further trouble if their request was not met; was this meant to further destablize the family and scare them out of Aba, in order to frustrate any attempt to pick the pieces of what the slain doctor had laboured for and start again? How unsafe can a people be!

Uche’s case is another painful development in Nigeria’s kidnapping industry whose phenomenal growth in recent years has become the nation’s nightmare. It started innocently enough as some potent tool by youthful agitators to draw serious attention to their demands for better treatment in the Niger Delta where many years of oil exploration had only unleashed environmental and even economic disaster.

At that time, several commentators including this writer (who was a columnist in a national newspaper then), had warned that unless an appropriate response was sincerely and urgently formulated and executed, the crises may endure, and in the process be contaminated and compounded by criminal elements who might discover in kidnapping a fast route to sudden wealth and social elevation, just like the ruling elite were doing with the oil money. But, characteristically, our warnings were ignored, and soon, the monster dreaded by all eventually emerged and has now become the nation’s worst nightmare.

The bad news is that kidnapping has since ceased to be an exclusive Niger Delta affair. It has assumed a more frightening dimension and become a huge industry with overwhelming national spread, fired largely by the obscene manner corrupt politicians flaunt their ill-gotten wealth.

A layabout everyone knew in the village the other day can in today’s Nigeria suddenly acquire incredible wealth just because his relative had become a thug or driver to the tenth girlfriend of a lawmaker, governor or even council chairman. Just like that! And before anyone knew it, he had started throwing money about, building choice houses, being chauffer-driven around town in exquisite cars with sirens and intimidating security men, and even snatching the pretty wives of some less-fortunate men.

Yet, this was the same never-do-well everyone knew the other day who has now become a “worthy son” of the land, pursued by traditional rulers to receive titles, and revered by all for his ability to generously “drop” when it mattered most. Some young men are also acquiring sudden wealth and influence today just because they are sneaked into one Government Lodge or the other every other day to make Her Excellency happy each time His Excellency is in Lagos, Port Harcourt or Abuja amusing himself on the laps of university girls or in New York, India or Amsterdam frolicking with disease-infested prostitutes at public expense.

 We must be willing to admit that the proliferation of these unwholesome short-cuts to wealth is a major motivation for hideous crimes like kidnapping and violent robbery in Nigeria today. This is a country where about 80 per cent of the populace live below poverty level, yet less than 10 per cent of the population possess and flaunt wealth of questionable sources. And so, those who cannot find spaces in politics or government to partake in the free and unfair looting flourishing there have taken to kidnapping and violent robbery, in order to also flaunt their own obscene wealth in a nation of perverted values. What a tragedy. While we overhaul the security system to make it more effective and proactive, a more creative and far-reaching solution would be for corrupt public officers and their collaborators to realize that they have stolen enough for the owners to notice, and have set off a chain of tragic reactions whose end no one can predict.

Today, it is Dr. Stanley Uche whose life had been devoted to bringing succour to traumatized patients that has been wasted, but whose turn will it be tomorrow? A “First Lady,” senator, or even “His Excellency,” perhaps!

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The Brutal Assault On Ngugi And His Wife

By Ugochukwu Ejinkeonye

For about two weeks now, Kenya has been in the news for the very wrong and shameful reasons.

On the night of Wednesday, August 11, 2004, four hoodlums, armed with two pistols, a machete and a pair of wire cutters forced their way into the apartment of East Africa’s foremost writer, Professor Ngugi wa Thiong’o, at Norfolk Towers, Nairobi, and severely brutalized him and his wife, Njeeri.

They took away a number of valuables including Ngugi’s laptop computer, and severally burnt the writer’s face with cigarettes.

*

 NGUGI: Brutalized and humiliated  in his own country

While Ngugi fought with the hoodlums in another room, one of them found his way into the bedroom where Mrs. Ngugi was already in bed. He cruelly hit her with gun-buts, overpowered her, and, then…raped her!  

How I Joined The Nigerian Ruling (Eating) Class!

  [A Rejoinder To The Article: "How I Became A Prominent Lady"]

Dear Ugochukwu,

I thoroughly enjoyed myself reading the piece you published last week, captioned, “How I Became A Prominent Lady,” written by one of the  greatest and most patriotic   daughters of our great nation, a highly placed and well-respected lady who, incidentally, is a very close associate, my very good friend and fellow distinguished member of the nation’s political and ruling elite.

Even though you withheld her name (that was very thoughtful of you), I know her very well, and I can confidently tell you that she is a thoroughly groomed and well polished lady, totally above board, whose every action is motivated by an unfathomable sacrificial love for her country.

 

 I am thoroughly overwhelmed by her disarming humility which made her to stoop so low to tell Nigerians without blushing the various ‘sacrifices’ and ‘prices’ she had to pay on her way to join us in the Ruling Class from where she believes she would be able to serve her fatherland very well.  And on this, I can testify that she has acquitted herself very well.

 An example of her lack of vanity could be seen in the fact that despite our endless prodding and even harassment, she has bluntly refused purchase more than one house in London or another in the United States or even Dubai , even when some of us had offered to buy them for her. She is such a unique lady that naturally attracts kindness, and knows how to appreciate kind gestures too.

She is well loved among us, because she mixes very well, is always very cheerful and vivacious, has an exceptionally generous heart; and that is why she is excelling with incredible speed.  Eternally loyal, she could have dumped the Chief (on whose back she rode to fame and prominence) for a long time now without any fear of repercussions since she now has many other even more powerful political heavyweights around her, but her heart of gold would not let her hurt even a fly.  

 

As we talk now, the leaders of our great party in her geo-political zone have pencilled her down as the next deputy governor of her state, a move we at the national level have readily endorsed because of her profound integrity, moral soundness and our great trust in her ability to deliver with unrivalled speed. I was present recently when she launched her NGO to promote moral uprightness, honesty and hard work in youths.

 She is equally a very regular face at youth forums and ethical revival conferences where she draws from her wealth of experience and exceptional personal example to admonish her hearers on the dangers of cheating, waywardness and corner-cutting. She is indeed a role model, and it is good that many people, especially the young people now look up to her for direction and mentoring.

Please, permit me to follow her excellent example and also share my own success story before another lady beats me to it again, because, we have among  us many other successful ladies, whose ‘prices’ and ‘sacrifices’  on their way to the top would even greatly diminish my friend’s own. While at the University, which, by the way, I had entered with results obtained through very fraudulent means, academic work held no attraction for me.

 

I wanted to make money fast and live big. As I saw on television and newspapers these mostly thirty-something olds and early or mid-forty emergency billionaires who I was so certain I was more intelligent and more hardworking than, brazenly seizing the limelight, flaunting their opulence and throwing their weight about in a way that seemed to ask the poor to simply get lost, murderous thoughts welled up in me against anyone trying to disturb me with foolish questions about why I skipped classes or shunned my books.

 

Soon, I had to leave campus in search of something meaningful to do with my life before others left me behind in the lonely pit of grinding poverty. Fortunately, one day, a friend told me at the joint where we usually congregated to smoke weeds that an aide to a top and very powerful political figure was hiring ‘strongmen’ in preparation for the forthcoming elections.

 

 I immediately jumped at the offer. That singular move was to usher me into an exciting, easy life of limitless opportunities and cheap pleasures that I never imagined could just suddenly come my way. My ‘oga’ later came to know me more closely and to appreciate my special abilities and talents. I had a perfect understanding of my job, and never failed to deliver. I tried hard to suppress the fire of greed raging in me, and accounted for every kobo given to me. Although I was such a ruthless person, I was not foolish and so knew quite well that if I must attain my targeted height in politics, I must school myself to keep my greed in serious check.

  The Logo Of PDP --Nigeria's Ruling Party

Fortunately, I always delivered on all fronts with efficiency and precision, and equally acquitted myself well when in the business of ‘arranging’  very beautiful girls from the neighbouring Universities each time my ‘oga’ hosted dignitaries for top political meetings. Oh, there were always so much to eat, drink and enjoy, but I never forgot myself and what I was aiming at. My eyes were on the top, and any price was worth paying to get there.

 

My stars began to shine brilliantly when my ‘oga’ lifted me from the scummy pond of violent and murderous existence where I had wreaked tremendous terror as one of his most effective and ruthless thugs and promoted me to his personal aide, which enabled me to follow him to very important political meetings, where I met many other very highly placed Nigerians, many of whom also began to like me as time went on. Although, I could be such a ruthless and implacably destructive beast when any occasion required my exhibition of that aspect of me, I have this very warm, amiable and overly harmless personality that easily earns me the unreserved affection of many people.

 

Soon my ‘oga’ began to test me with money, several times, but each time, I surprised him by not falling. Unlike my colleagues who always allowed their greed to make them lose his confidence, I already knew I needed to keep mine on leash in order to win the undying trust of one those who decided the direction, future and how the resources of this incredibly rich nation were shared. Already, I had arranged a degree certificate for myself and managed to let it enter ‘oga’s ears that I was a graduate.

Before long, he began to trust me with bigger money, some of which I took abroad to deposit for him in designated accounts. I always resisted every temptation to run away or tamper with even the smallest part of them. My oga wanted to appoint me into the ministerial position allotted to him, but later changed his mind, and instead registered a company and appointed me its Managing Director/Chief Executive. And soon countless juicy contracts I never even knew when and how they were applied for began to pour in, and although we rarely executed any, we were usually paid in full upfront.

 

And because I had learnt early to keep my greed in check, I shared out the percentages as instructed, and paid them in the various bank accounts I was given, before taking the percentage allotted to me. And because we were so reliable and efficient, and did our business without any risks to our clients’ good names and political lives, business boomed amazingly. I became very rich as the company prospered. Soon, I began to hobnob with the high mighty from the president to governors, lawmakers, ministers, diplomats and fellow business magnates.

 

Billions of naira were always easily laundered through us without any hassles or incidents that could embarrass our esteemed clients, and we were always prompt to neatly deposit such funds into any accounts supplied by our clients in any part of the world. I have eventually  achieved my ambition of joining the ruling class, and boy, life up there is    just pleasantly exciting and really good!  Although, I am not holding any public office, I am, no doubt, part of the decision-making process since I am a generous financier and prominent member of our great party.

 

 The secret of my success, if I must restate that, was my commendable ability to continue resisting the temptation to tamper with my ‘oga’s money even when a lot of it was always with me and around me. Indeed, I was quite aware that he never bothered to even find out how much each ‘Ghana-Must-Go’ sack contained, or how much had been removed from a particular bag and how much remained, but I kept my cool. Well, if I must tell you also, highly influential and respected political stalwarts like my oga have no time to count money. Moreover, its uninterrupted flow into their houses, offices and bank accounts was always guaranteed, so why bother?

 

 Although, I wanted so much to be rich, I also desperately wanted to also secure the distinguished membership of the ruling elite, where I can help decide the direction and future of this country. And if I must achieve this, I knew it quite early enough that I required much patience, restraint and loyalty to one of the key custodians and sharers of the very sweet, richly garnished National Cake.

 

I was relieved when my ‘oga’ eventually shelved the idea of having me fill the ministerial slot allocated to him and instead established the flourishing company which I now manage for him. Although with such a highly influential personality of repute like my ‘oga’ behind me, all the Senate would have simply done if I had appeared for screening would be to simply ask me ‘Take A Bow!’ and move on, but I did not want the overwhelming searchlight such an event would most likely beam on my past. Moreover, I don’t trust you, journalists, Ugochukwu. One of you might come up with the crazy idea that I was a University dropout and so could not have earned the degree I was parading, or that I had unresolved cases with the police. So, I was glad to be spared that kind of exposure.

 Well, all I can say now is that I am doing incredibly very well. Although I have become very rich beyond my wildest imagination, with properties in countless choice spots in Nigeria and abroad and shares in blue chip companies around the world, I still have refused to do anything to make my ‘oga’ feel I have grown some wings and was now capable of being my own master. I have been very careful. His numerous women (mostly married), especially among the top echelon of our great party devour me daily with undisguised lustful attention, but I have refrained from letting them come between me and my very kind godfather. No, how can I be that stupid when countless women, including top actresses and models are throwing themselves at me?

 

Former Senator Iyabo Anisulowo was right after all!

 

Well, right now, I can confidently tell you that I am now and fully and perfectly established as a distinguished member of the ruling class and a stalwart of our great party. I sponsor candidates into high public offices and have continued to reap, in season and out of season, the juicy fruits of my endeavour. I have also taken practical steps to polish my personality and give myself an urbane, intellectual image. Recently, I got a backstreet (some say unaccredited) college in the United States to package an honorary doctoral degree for me at an impressive ceremony attended by highly placed Nigerians.

 

Do not be misled into thinking we are indifferent to corruption. In fact, my ‘oga’ was one of those who first mooted the idea of setting up very vibrant anti-corruption bodies in Nigeria to cleanse the country of corrupt elements. I can confidently tell you that it was his idea that they borrowed and set up what we have today as the EFCC and ICPC. And to his further credit, he has never failed to seize any forum available to him to denounce corruption and urge the anti-graft agencies to root out the monster that has ensured Nigeria is kept 100 years behind civilisation. All we want from Nigerians is patience; they should give us more time to deliver the democracy dividends. We are on course. We sincerely mean well for this country.

 

Who Cares About The Powerless Majority? More Than 80%
Of Nigerians Live  Below Poverty Level...

Ugochukwu, I am always amused each time you describe us in your column as a ‘Criminal Class.’ Apart from the fact this betrays your total ignorance of how government business is managed at this level in this country, I also think you are being very unfair to a body of distinguished, credible Nigerians with very impeccable records of invaluable services to their fatherland who spend sleepless nights thinking of how to move this great country forward and usher in an era of prosperity and massive development.

 

Well, next week, I will be presenting a paper (written for me by a retired professor who is on my payroll) at a high profile seminar in Abuja on anti-corruption and good governance, and I have already despatched an invitation to you. Be our guest and discover for yourself how determined we are to battle this monster of corruption to the ground. Surely, with Nigeria in our hands, the masses of this country would have cause to smile very soon.

 

Thanks for this opportunity to tell my success story despite your obvious unreserved disdain and fierce contempt for us.

We will eventually prove to you and several others that we mean well for this country.

 

Chief (Dr.) …… (Name Withheld)

Abuja, Nigeria

 

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Second-Hand Smoking Kills 600,000 Annually

Study published in UK medical journal Lancet finds that more than half a million people die a year from 'passive' smoke. The study finds that a third of those killed annually by passive smoking are children [EPA].

Second-hand tobacco smoke kills upwards of 600,000 people every year, nearly a third of them children, according to a global assessment in The Lancet, a British medical journal.

The Best Way To Be A Wicked Parent!!

 The findings, released on Friday in the first ever global study, indicate that unlike "lifestyle" diseases, which stem largely from individual choice, the victims of passive smoking pay the ultimate price for the health-wrecking behaviour of others, especially family members.

Among non-smokers worldwide, 40 per cent of children, 35 per cent of women and 33 percent of men were exposed to second-hand smoke in 2004, the most recent year for which data was available across the 192 countries examined.

In addition to 5.1 deaths caused by active smoking, the final death toll from tobacco for 2004 was more than 5.7 million people, the study concluded. Nearly half of the passive-smoking deaths occurred in women, with the rest divided almost equally between children and men, according to the study. Some 60 per cent of the deaths were caused by heart disease and 30 per cent by lower respiratory infections, followed by asthma and lung cancer. All told, passive smoking accounted for one per cent of worldwide mortality in 2004.

What A Mother!!!

Adult deaths caused by second-hand tobacco were spread evenly across the spectrum of poor-to-rich nations.  But for children, poverty made things much worse, the study found. Adult deaths were spread evenly across the spectrum of poor-to-rich nations. The adult-to-child ratio of deaths in high-income Europe, for example, was 35,388 to 71 while the ratio in Africa was nearly reversed: 9,514 to 43,375.  "Children's exposure to second-hand smoke most likely happens at home," the researchers noted. "Infectious diseases and tobacco seems to be a deadly combination."

The tragedy of children impacted by others' smoke is even greater when calculated in years of life lost, rather than lives lost. One reason twice as many non-smoking women die is simply because they outnumber their male counterparts by 60 percent. But in the developing world, they are also 50 percent more likely to be exposed to harmful smoke. Enacting smoke-free laws for public spaces could significantly reduce passive smoking mortality and health care costs, said Annette Pruss-Ustun, the lead researcher.

Currently, only a small fraction - 7.4 per cent - of the world population lives in places with stringent smoke-free laws, and even in these jurisdictions, compliance is spotty. Earlier research has shown that where laws are enforced, exposure to second-hand smoke in high-risk settings such as bars and restaurants is cut by 90 per cent.  Anti-smoking regulations also lower cigarette consumption, and improve one's chances of kicking the habit.

The researchers recommend fully applying the World Health Organisation's (WHO) Framework Convention on Tobacco Control, which includes high taxes on tobacco products, banning tobacco advertising and the use of nondescript packaging. "There can be no question that the 1.2 billion smokers in the world are exposing billions of non-smokers to second-hand smoke, a disease-causing indoor pollutant," noted Heather Wipfli and Jonathan Samet, of the University of Southern California in Los Angeles.  

  "Broad initiatives are needed to motivate families to put their own policies into place to reduce exposure ... at home."

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--Nigeria Today Online

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IMPORTANT NOTICE

 Were You Once A Smoker? Or Spent Time Regularly With A Smoker, Or In An Environment Where People Or Someone Smoked Often? You May Consider Undertaking A Mammogram Check Up   


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Alcohol Is More Harmful Than Heroin – Study Reveals

Alcohol is more harmful than heroin or crack, according to a study published in medical journal the Lancet. The report is co-authored by Professor David Nutt, the former UK chief drugs adviser who was sacked by the government in October 2009.  

*Dangerous Content Only!

The Report ranks 20 drugs on 16 measures of harm to users and to wider society. Tobacco and cocaine are judged to be equally harmful. Prof Nutt refused to leave the drugs debate when he was sacked from his official post by the former Labour Home Secretary, Alan Johnson. He went on to form the Independent Scientific Committee on Drugs, a body which aims to investigate the drug issue without any political interference. One of its other members is Dr. Les King, another former government advisor who quit over Prof Nutt's treatment. 

How I Became A ‘Prominent’ Lady

(Letter From A Woman Leader Of A Nigerian Political Party)


Dear Ugochukwu,

I was sufficiently provoked by your last week’s column captioned, “Criminalisation Of Poverty,” to share my great and exciting success story with Nigerians who throng this page every Wednesday to read you. Let me start by proudly informing you that I am a prominent, highly-placed lady, a distinguished member of the nation’s ruling elite, highly-connected political leader, a super organiser and one of those who decide the future and direction of this great nation. I worked really hard to attain my present exalted status, so no columnist should be jealous of me.

I am very happy and fulfilled. Today, in my community, State and nationally, I am highly respected and always applauded as one of the “illustrious daughters” of the land and role model, despite what some of you journalists may consider as the unflattering route I took in my rapid journey to the top. Well, not all of you are unappreciative of my person and status.

I regularly read brilliant reports full of flowery descriptions of my person in the media, especially, when I hold my usually great parties or attend public functions. But whether you would choose to accept it or not, in this our great country, once someone has “made it”, that is, achieved real financial, political and social success as I have done, and is also willing to occasionally dole out some crispy Naira notes, the person would become an instant celebrity, and anyone trying to question his integrity would be impatiently dismissed as an irritant and insufferably jealous.

Right now, I have two highly-rated chieftaincy titles, one conferred on me by the traditional ruler of my community (where I was practically a ‘nobody’ only a few years ago) and the other by a highly respected traditional ruler in another State. I am equally arranging to have a reputable University offer me an honorary doctoral degree to add more dignity, sophistication and intellectual colour to my already high status.

My Special Assistant, a former University lecturer, obtained his PhD from a very reputable University in the United States. And my driver? Well, he was always on top of his class while at the University. I have choice properties at highly coveted privileged spots in Lagos and Abuja, and my country home stands out as an exquisite palace befitting my status. I have no interest in owning houses abroad, so I only reluctantly agreed, after a lot of pressure from my friends and associates,  to purchase a ‘little mansion’ in London.

I am not ashamed of my very humble beginnings. When I finished secondary school, my father had dismissed me as a horrendous disappointment because of my dismal performance. And just like I had failed at school, I also was unable to learn to sew very well, and was always quarrelling with customers I had messed up their dresses at my shop in the State Capital where I had relocated. My boyfriend was the personal driver of a prominent politician. He lived in the Boys Quarters in the man’s massive compound where they stayed each time he was in town.

One day, he agreed I should visit him at home, but on the condition that I introduce myself as his cousin. That suited me perfectly, because I had my own plans too. Everyone agreed I was a very beautiful girl, an asset that helped me through secondary school since I was a favourite of my male teachers. And so as the Security Man admitted me into the massive compound and called my boyfriend, his boss suddenly appeared and barked at his direction:

“Who is she?!” he asked with a malevolent scowl, which could not obscure the undisguised lust with which his eyes devoured me.

“My cousin.” My ‘bobo’ answered almost quaking.

“Okay,” the man said, smiling nicely. Later, he invited me into the massive mansion “to welcome me properly,” and from there I entered a good, exciting life I never imagined existed…

Chief was simply mad about me and took me to many important places in the country and around the world where I met very important people. My (former) boyfriend complained once, but I silenced him by reminding him of his wife and children in the village, showered him with gifts, and occasionally allowed him to sleep with me when Chief travelled without him. Trust me, I can be that generous.

Moreover, you never knew with these drivers; he could pull a surprise one day and Chief would just show me the door and all the good life would suddenly end! One day, I told Chief I wanted to be a Council Chairman. He was shocked. A prominent, formidable godfather in our State, even our governor was anointed and installed by him.

“But you don’t have adequate education?”

“What do you mean, Chief? I have a School Certificate. The person who just vacated the office, what had he?” Then, Chief smiled, and soon after I was anointed and installed as the Honourable Chairperson of my Local Government Area. My father could not believe it. A great tumult occurred the day I rode into our community with my convoy to receive a distinguished Chieftaincy title conferred on me by our traditional ruler at a very impressive and well-attended Civic Reception organized by the community in honour of their “illustrious daughter.”

I didn’t want a second term, so Chief got the Governor to appoint me a Senior Special Adviser on Youth and Cultural Affairs, and later Honourable Commissioner for Women and Youth Affairs.

 Then, my foreign trips increased tremendously, some with Chief, and many others to attend any conference on anything (no matter how insignificant) that had to do with youths or women even in the remotest part of the earth.

Although I owed my appointment to Chief’s awesome influence, I nevertheless lured my Governor to my nest, and soon, he also became my active supporter, although he pretended he did it because of Chief, since he knew he could be impeached the very next day if Chief found out about our affair. Chief soon announced me widely at the national level as a “Women Leader” and powerful “grassroots mobilizer” from his State, and with his support, that of my Governor and State Party Chairman (whom I also was sharing very secret moments with), my visibility and prominence at the national level in our great party grew with incredible speed. Chief wanted me to the go to House of Representatives, but I preferred a national appointment (which I still retain).

I have an excellent Press Secretary who ensures I am in the news always, and everything I say or do gets duly reported, and prevents my ‘secrets’ from getting into soft-sale magazines. I have invested massively and wisely. Apart from Chief, I have also used other powerful party bigwigs who had lusted after me to get the things I want. They have already anointed me as the next Deputy Governor of my State.

I have also acquired significant influence of my own so much so that it is only on rare cases now that I require Chief’s intervention to get whatever I want. I recently launched an NGO to promote morality, honesty and hard work in youths, and regularly speak at youth forums where I draw from my exceptional personal example to warn them on the dangers of prostitution and corner-cutting.

This is my story, Ugochukwu.

And I must tell you, as a prominent member of the ruling class, the present Administration is on course, serious about its war against corruption, and has the capacity to make this nation one of the greatest in the next couple of years. I therefore solicit the support of vocal Nigerians like you, for the president’s excellent Seven Points Agenda and war against corruption.

Very soon, our nation will be ushered into a glorious era of unimaginable prosperity. We are here to ensure that happens.

Thank you.

I am Chief (Ms.)……[Name Withheld]

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Dinner From A Dustbin In Lagos

By Ugochukwu Ejinkeonye

It was a very beautiful evening in Lagos. I was in the car, waiting for my wife to get her bag from her office so we could go home together. 

 
Impoverished Nigerian: Feeding From The Dustbin
While His Leaders Squander Billions Of Naira Of The Common Wealth  With Reckless Abandon


Then, I saw him, as he passed, looking very hungry and haggard. The general consensus here is that he is not mad. At least, not yet. He is clearly traumatized by the impossible condition in which he struggles to exist each day. 

Suddenly, his hungry eyes caught the dustbin, outside the office complex, a few meters away from where my car was packed. He appeared so elated at his find. His face creased into an awful gesture, which he probably meant to be a smile. 

Then, with a quickened pace, he made for the dustbin, and began to desperately rummage in it, among its decayed, putrid, stinking contents. He seemed afraid that someone might come out to drive him away before he was through. 

An idea occurred to me immediately. Nigerians ought to share this heart-rending image with me. Yes, my camera was at the backseat, I remembered. I quickly reached for it, and with a greater part of me hidden behind the windshield, I took two shots of him while he was still busy searching and collecting some items triumphantly.  Then my third shot caught him as he made to move away with his booty.  And within a few minutes, he went down the street and was gone. 



A Meal For Today From The Dustbin

This, too, is a Nigerian. Like you and I. Like Umar Musa Yar’Adua (Nigeria's president at that time). Like Senate President David Mark. Like House Speaker Patricia Etteh. Like former President Olusegun Aremu Obasanjo (the founder/father of Modern Nigeria). Like National Assembly Members. Like former State Governors. Like former ministers and Super Special Advisers. Like some Local Government Chairmen. All now incredibly wealthy after just a few years of “self-less service to the nation”! 

If this hapless Nigerian had heard that houses are renovated and/or upgraded in Abuja with a mere “ paltry sum” of N628 million, he didn’t show it. He was just content to invade the dustbins, to fill his stomach with its putrid contents, until life, his life, reaches a T-junction, where, his candle would be cruelly extinguished by the violent wind of the unspeakable callousness of Nigerian leaders. 

By the way, is Umaru Dikko reading this? Where is Olusegun Obasanjo? Shouldn’t he come out to see an undeniable evidence of the marvellous success of his economic reforms?  That is the reality of present day Nigeria. And make no mistake about it, there are several others like him out there, who would never have anything to eat today, until they are able to find a dustbin rich enough to yield them a meal. 

Perhaps, this fellow voted in the last election. Perhaps, he did not. But those who are supposed to take care of him are out there in Abuja and other points of power engaging in unspeakable profligacy, with the commonwealth, from which they have carefully insulated him. While he dies slowly, and miserably. 

What a nation. 
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November 2007
scruples2006@yahaoo.com